The Proverbs 31 woman: The industrious wife

The number of women in business and industry has shot up in recent years. Many women are actively in fields that were previously considered male-dominated fields. Thus in most parts of the world, there is a higher tendency for women to excel in their careers. Unfortunately, there are still laws and traditions that prohibit women in certain places from advancing in life. Even as we pray that nations and societies will open up to accept women in certain positions, we should also encourage women to be prepared, equipped and made ready to lay hold of opportunities. The Bible presents diverse women who rose up to be important members of their societies. Whereas societies prevented women from voting for a long time, in the Bible, we find women who were judges, influential Queens, rich business owners, religious leaders among many others. Christianity doesn’t oppress women. We see women as instrumental partners of God’s agenda. The Proverbs 31 woman shows a woman of substance, grace and value.

She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. (Proverbs 31:13)

Other than being a wife of noble character, the Proverbs 31 woman has other amazing qualities. In this post, we shall consider her hardworking and entrepreneurial skills. First, she is crafty with creating clothing for her home and business. Proverbs 31:13 states that “she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.” This all-in-one woman also shops for the best food supplies. Proverbs 31:13 says, “she is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.” Not just that, this woman does not allow her work to interfere with her home duties. Therefore, “she gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants” (Proverbs 31:15). As if these are not enough, “she considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard” (Proverbs 31:16). This woman does not leave all her other tasks, but “she sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks” (Proverbs 31:17). The different businesses she manages are not left unattended because this woman “sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night” (Proverbs 31:18). Thus at work and at home, she has a balance, none is left unattended. As if these skills are not enough, this woman is also skilled in home crafts and is diligent in homemaking. Proverbs 31:19 says that, “in her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.”

This woman is really hard working both in her home and at her businesses. Her line of trade might not be relevant to us but her desire for entrepreneurship is worth emulating. She is multifaceted and is not limited to just one thing. She understands the principle of investing in different ventures. In the 21st century, she could have been a career woman working in the industry, managing a side business and actively taking care of her home. She does not focus on one and neglect the other. The reason this woman is so organized and productive is the fact that she plans her day. She wakes up early in the morning and begins her day on an active mode. She understands the dynamics of work and family. She doesn’t sleep all day and wakes up to just watch TV. Even though she has a husband who would be as industrious and supportive as she is, this woman understands that she has to be engaged in profitable ventures. 

Whether working in an office, managing her own business, managing her home, or being a stay-home mother, the Proverbs 31 woman doesn’t slack in her responsibilities. She ensures that her home experiences her presence as much as she is dedicated to her work. Can the 21st Century career woman make time for her home and family considering the demands of work? The answer is YES! It is possible. If you want to keep your home and work life balanced, you need to make sacrifices such as avoiding overtime shifts, being intentional about spending time with your family and avoiding unnecessary time wasters. 

The Proverbs 31 woman: A wife of noble character

There are many nameless women in the Bible. Most of these women point to an actual woman whose name was not recorded by the authors of the Bible. An example is the Shunammite woman. The Shunammite woman made a massive impact in the life of the prophet,  Elisha. She also received a child through prophecy, her dead child was raised to life and her properties were restored to her. But, all that we know is that she was a woman from Shunem. There are other feminine characters who personify specific traits or characters, e.g. wisdom. Further, there are other women who seem to be the perfect depiction of womanhood but do not directly point to a specific person in the Bible. One of such is the Proverbs 31 woman. The Proverbs 31 woman is the ideal woman of most God-fearing men. She seems to be everything a man wants but she does not point to a specific named woman in the Bible. In other words, the author presents this woman as a model woman for God-fearing women. 

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. (Proverbs 31:10)

Proverbs 31 is in two folds: the first (verse 1-9) considers the advice King Lemuel received from his mother and the second (verse 10-31) presents a detailed description and character profile of this wife of noble character. This is how the Proverbs 31 woman is introduced: “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10).  Other versions such as the Message Bible (MSG) presents her as this: “A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds.” The first thing we want to consider about this Proverbs 31 woman is the fact that she has a noble character. Her inner virtues are commendable. She is a good woman and her goodness is visible. Her value is not based on her outer beauty but her inner virtues makes her worth far more than rubies. Thus, any man who finds her has laid his hands on real wealth. She is priceless. Her value stems from her package. She is good, she is strong, she is tenacious, she is bold and daring. The other verses attest to these. Because of her nature, “her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value” (Proverbs 31:11). The husband of this virtuous woman is a blessed man because he is married to a woman who has brought value to his life. This value is based on the different facets of this woman which we would consider in the coming days.

The Proverbs 31 woman also brings to her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:12). Thus, she radiates goodness, her demeanor and nature reflect the goodness of God. Her godly virtues and her desire to excel make her associate with like-minded people. She has no time for baseless and unprofitable conversations. The ultimate goal of this Proverbs 31 woman is to align with God’s will and call on her life. She is busy with things that have eternal and early value. Anytime I read about the Proverbs 31 woman, one thing stands out: she is timeless. Her character and virtues can be incorporated in every generation. In every generation, women with godly virtues are preferred over those who lack good morals. No wonder even the wicked womanizer desires to have a good woman for a wife. 

Can the Proverbs 31 woman survive in the 21st century? Certainly Yes! God-fearing women who desire to have the character of this Proverbs 31 woman should work towards it. It is not automatic! When we become believers, we don’t change overnight to become the Proverbs 31 woman. We need to understand the foundations of our faith, desire growth and mature to become women who are not tossed about by every storm of life. We need to work on ourselves. Remember, the pressures we face are not different from the pressures of womanhood in the 4th Century BC. Women throughout generations are vulnerable and susceptible to pain and hurt. To remain a Proverbs 31 woman is a journey of spiritual growth. It is possible to gain all the academic laurels and never attain the standard of the Proverbs 31 women. A noble and virtuous character is not learned at an academic institution. It is learned under the feet of Jesus.

Dear woman, be willing and ready to be taught,  mentored, equipped and trained for your bigger assignment. Dear man, as you desire to marry a virtuous woman, make it your lifetime priority to become a virtuous husband. Unequal yokes do not balance. The main reason for the challenges in most Christian marriages is the fact that the couple are unequally yoked! Imagine a noble woman married to an ignoble  man and vice versa. The result is disaster!

The Shunammite woman: When testimony becomes a key to restoration

The Shunammite woman in the Bible (2 Kings 4,8) had a good life. She and her husband were rich but they had no children. Through her generosity to the man of God, Elisha, they received a son through prophecy. Sometime later, they lost that son and through the power of God the son was restored to life. The trials of her life (barrenness and death) became the testimony of the Shunammite woman. The Shunammite woman was shown enough mercy and favour from God. Her generosity to the man of God opened up a memorial for her. Her home became the dwelling place for the servant of God and she and her family experienced God’s miraculous powers. Instead of focusing on what she didn’t have (a child), she focused on what she could give (food and accommodation) and she in turn received what she didn’t have. As long as your gaze is on your problems, you fail to see what God can do. But, when your gaze is on what God’s power can do, your mess becomes your message and your tests become your testimony. Instead of a garment of sadness, put on a garment of praise and cast all your cares on God. He is able.

The Shunammite woman and her family continued to serve Elisha, the man of God. When we continue to fellowship in the presence of God, He reveals his mind to us. For example, before God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, Abraham was told because he was a friend of God (Genesis 18:16-33). 2 Kings 8:1 state this, “Now Elisha had said to the woman whose son he had restored to life, “Go away with your family and stay for a while wherever you can, because the Lord has decreed a famine in the land that will last seven years.” The Shunammite woman and her family were aware of what had been decreed by God. With this knowledge, “the woman proceeded to do as the man of God said. She and her family went away and stayed in the land of the Philistines seven years” (2 Kings 8:2). Thus, while another woman became so hungry in a time of famine to the extent of eating her own son, the Shunammite woman and her family were spared. When the famine was over after the end of the seven years she came back from the land of the Philistines and went to appeal to the king for her house and land (2 Kings 8:3). 

The king asked the woman about it, and she told him. Then he assigned an official to her case and said to him, “Give back everything that belonged to her, including all the income from her land from the day she left the country until now.” (2 Kings 8:6)

Elisha was no ordinary prophet, through him, God performed marvelous signs and wonders in the land. He was known by the king and the power of God in him was visible. The king had experienced the different ways God’s power had been revealed through the ministry of Elisha. At the time the Shunammite woman went to the king to make an appeal, the king was talking to Gehazi, the servant of the man of God, and had said, “Tell me about all the great things Elisha has done” (2 Kings 8:4). Thus, the king was also searching to know the power of God that has been revealed through Elisha. Then, just as Gehazi was telling the king how Elisha had restored the dead to life, the Shunammite woman whose son Elisha had brought back to life came to appeal to the king for her house and land. The woman was just in at the right time. The testimony of her life was being shared with the king. Gehazi saw the woman and said, “This is the woman, my Lord the king, and this is her son whom Elisha restored to life” (2 Kings 8:5). Right in front of the king was a living testimony of God’s power. Instantly, the king asked the woman about it, and she told him. The woman shared her testimony with the king. When the king heard her testimony, he assigned an official to her case and said to him, “Give back everything that belonged to her, including all the income from her land from the day she left the country until now” (2 Kings 8:6).

For the Shunammite woman, the key to the restoration of her property was her testimony. She didn’t have to say much. She was a living testimony of what God had done. She did not just receive her properties, she also received all the income from her land. All these different doors of favour became accessible to the woman and her family because she opened her home to a man of God. She diligently served a prophet and for the rest of her life, she and her family enjoyed the blessings of a prophet. 

Like the Shunammite,  many of us have received great testimonies of what God can do. We have been shown mercy, we have been favoured and we have been forgiven. Your personal testimony is a message that can restore others to God. Your personal testimony can bring kings to the knowledge of God. You have a message and a testimony. Don’t keep it. God can use your message to restore others, to save others and to give you all that belongs to you. 

The widow of Zarephath

The Bible gives clear instructions that widows and orphans should be treated with love. From the Old Testament to the New Testament,  there are different verses that give indication of showing love and compassion for widows and orphans. If in the 21st century, widows and orphans are still vulnerable in different parts of the world, imagine their vulnerability before the common era. Moreover, in seasons of drought, famine becomes inevitable and the people who suffer most are the poor, the widows and orphans.  In 1 Kings 17:1, Elijah the prophet declared this to king Ahab: “As the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, whom I serve, there will be neither dew nor rain in the next few years except at my word.” True to the words of the prophet, therefore there was no rain and the result was famine. God sent ravens to feed the prophet until the brook ran dry. 

“Go at once to Zarephath in the region of Sidon and stay there. I have directed a widow there to supply you with food.” (1 Kings 17:9)

Later, when the brook dried, God told Elijah this: “Go at once to Zarephath in the region of Sidon and stay there. I have directed a widow there to supply you with food” (1 Kings 17:9). It is amazing that God did not send rain but rather sent the prophet to a poor widow. It confirms this: “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven” (Matthew 18:18). The widow of Zarephath was a poor woman and the most unlikely person to save a hungry prophet but “God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are” (1 Corinthians 1:27‭-‬28). The prophet was aware of the woman’s poverty but he still obeyed God. When Elijah encountered the widow, she was gathering sticks. Elijah asked: “Would you bring me a little water in a jar so I may have a drink?” (1 Kings 17:10) and as the woman was going to get it, he added, “And bring me, please, a piece of bread” (1 Kings 17:11). Which man asks for bread from a widow in times of famine? But Elijah was sent by God to a widow. 

The woman expressed her vulnerability to the prophet: “As surely as the Lord your God lives,” she replied, “I don’t have any bread—only a handful of flour in a jar and a little olive oil in a jug. I am gathering a few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it—and die” (1 Kings 17:12). She and her son have enough to sustain them for some time and nothing more. Thus, sharing with the prophet meant an earlier death for them. Elijah told her: “Don’t be afraid. Go home and do as you have said. But first make a small loaf of bread for me from what you have and bring it to me, and then make something for yourself and your son. For this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the Lord sends rain on the land’ ” (1 Kings 17:13‭-‬14). The woman accepted the message in faith and did as she was directed by the prophet. She placed her trust in the words of the prophet. She was willing to serve her last meal to the prophet with the knowledge that God will provide. She put her faith to work and this was the result: “there was food every day for Elijah and for the woman and her family. For the jar of flour was not used up and the jug of oil did not run dry, in keeping with the word of the Lord spoken by Elijah” (1 Kings 17:15‭-‬16). Sometime later, the woman’s son died and she cried to the prophet and through the power of God, the boy was brought back to life. The woman said to Elijah, “Now I know that you are a man of God and that the word of the Lord from your mouth is the truth” (1 Kings 17:24).

The widow of Zarephath opened her home to the prophet of God, she shared her meal and water with the prophet and she trusted God to supply all her needs. Surely, as long as the famine remained, she and her family did not lack. They had more than enough food to eat. They received divine sustenance. Her dead son was brought back to life and her whole family survived the famine. She obeyed God and did what sounded impossible but her reward was this, God the impossibility specialist gave her more than she ever wanted. She had enough food and she had life. When it seems like there is no way to go through, give your worries to God, cast all your anxieties on Him, do not let your heart be troubled. If ravens (stingy birds) were sent to feed a hungry prophet in seasons of famine, God will definitely send your helper. If a poor and vulnerable widow shared her meal with a prophet in the season of famine, God can make the least expected person to be your source of miracle. But, like the widow of Zarephath,  you should be ready to trust Him to make all things work together for your good. 

The wife of Jeroboam: The bearer of bad news

The nation of Israel was divided into two after the death of Solomon. Rehoboam’s refusal to listen to the wise men but take instructions from his fellows led to the division (1 Kings 12). Prior to that God had warned Solomon that as a result of his apostasy, the kingdom will be divided (1 Kings 11:11). The two kingdoms that came out of the nation of Israel were the Southern Kingdom consisting of the tribes of Judah and Benjamin, and the Northern Kingdom consisting of the other ten tribes. Rehoboam ruled the Southern Kingdom which was referred to as Judah in the Bible. Jeroboam, the rebel leader, ruled over the Northern Kingdom which was referred to as Israel in the Bible. Jeroboam was a wicked king. He did so much evil that his name became the household name for apostasy throughout the history of Israel. What was Jeroboam’s apostasy? He made  two golden calves and said to the people, “It is too much for you to go up to Jerusalem. Here are your gods, Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt.” He set up one in Bethel, and the other in Dan. The people came to worship the one at Bethel and went as far as Dan to worship the other. He built shrines on high places and appointed priests from all sorts of people, even though they were not Levites (see 1 Kings 12:28‭-‬31).

and Jeroboam said to his wife, “Go, disguise yourself, so you won’t be recognized as the wife of Jeroboam. Then go to Shiloh. Ahijah the prophet is there—the one who told me I would be king over this people. (1 Kings 14:2)

With such a track record, Jeroboam was definitely not in good standing with God. God through his prophet declared the doom of Jeroboam. In the course of time, Jeroboam’s son Abijah became ill. Then Jeroboam said to his wife, “Go, disguise yourself, so you won’t be recognized as the wife of Jeroboam. Then go to Shiloh. Ahijah the prophet is there—the one who told me I would be king over this people.” (1 Kings 14:2). Jeroboam’s wife was commissioned to inquire from the prophet. This woman knew the state of her husband’s heart and evil things he had done. She was sent to inquire from the same God her husband had rejected by making idols for the people. Of all the people she could have been sent to, she was sent to a prophet who truly hears from God. As a mother, Jeroboam’s wife might have had concerns for her son. He was dying and needed to be helped. The woman embarked on this journey hoping to get answers. She didn’t know what was in store for her. Even before she arrived at the house of Prophet Ahijah, the Lord prompted the prophet of her visit and told him what to say to her.

Prophet Ahijah was blind but as soon as Jeroboam’s wife got to the door of the prophet, the prophet called her and asked, “why this pretense?” Before the woman could state her mission, the prophet told her that the kingdom will be taken away from her husband. Further, Ahijah told her that “As for you, go back home. When you set foot in your city, the boy will die. All Israel will mourn for him and bury him. He is the only one belonging to Jeroboam who will be buried, because he is the only one in the house of Jeroboam in whom the Lord, the God of Israel, has found anything good.” (1 Kings 14:12‭-‬13). Jeroboam’s wife was sent as the bearer of bad news: the death of her son and an end to their family’s reign over Israel. She left the house of the prophet carrying bad news. She might have been horrified and scared. She knew the power in the words of Ahijah. She got up and went to Tirzah. 1 Kings 14:17-18 states that “as soon as she stepped over the threshold of the house, the boy died. They buried him, and all Israel mourned for him, as the Lord had said through his servant the prophet Ahijah.”

The wife of Jeroboam witnessed the massive apostasy of her husband. She lived in the Palace and saw the name of God brought low and evil reigning in the hearts of the people. She experienced and possibly worshipped her husband’s idols. She was a source of authority and a leader but together with her husband, they led a whole nation to sin. Even if she might not have publicly declared it, she abandoned God just as all the others who worshipped Jeroboam’s idols. There are many things we seem to do with good intentions but they are evil in the sight of God. If we fail to point out evil, the consequences of the sinful acts of others would befall on all people including the silent watchers.

The wise woman from Tekoa

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22). The events in the household of king David did not just bring a family feud but enmity and dryness. David’s own son had raped his daughter, the brother of the raped daughter, another son of David, killed the rapist and fled. The atmosphere in David’s palace was not the best at this moment. Sometimes when situations such as these happen, it can literally crush one’s spirit. David’s cycle of misfortunes could be directly connected to his own sins (adultery and murder). After Absalom avenged his brother, he knew that he was liable to death as well. Absalom action was intentional. It took him two years to plan how to execute the vengeance against Amnon. According to the law, “If anyone with malice aforethought shoves another or throws something at them intentionally so that they die or if out of enmity one person hits another with their fist so that the other dies, that person is to be put to death; that person is a murderer. The avenger of blood shall put the murderer to death when they meet” (Numbers 35:20‭-‬21).Thus, Absalom was liable to death. The only way for this to be averted is a decree from the king. The woman for this post is a wise woman who was commissioned for the task of restoring Absalom. 

So Joab sent someone to Tekoa and had a wise woman brought from there. He said to her, “Pretend you are in mourning. Dress in mourning clothes, and don’t use any cosmetic lotions. Act like a woman who has spent many days grieving for the dead. (2 Samuel 14:2)

For three years, Absalom lived in Gerur. He fled from his father. But, David was comforted and longed for his son. To have Absalom back to Jerusalem, a word from the king would spare Absalom from the avenger of blood. David’s army commander,  Joab, took this task upon himself. “Joab son of Zeruiah knew that the king’s heart longed for Absalom. So Joab sent someone to Tekoa and had a wise woman brought from there. He said to her, “Pretend you are in mourning. Dress in mourning clothes, and don’t use any cosmetic lotions. Act like a woman who has spent many days grieving for the dead. Then go to the king and speak these words to him.” And Joab put the words in her mouth.” (2 Samuel 14:1‭-‬3). Of all the women in Jerusalem, Joab knew that for this task, a special woman is needed. Not any ordinary woman but one with a proven record of wisdom. Someone who could boldly stand in front of the king of Israel and request him to send for his son who had fled for committing murder. Joab knew that the wise woman from Tekoa was right for the task. Joab told the woman what to say to the king. 

King David was merciful to the woman and her plea for mercy for her son was accepted (2 Samuel 14:5-7). After setting the background for mercy, the woman then brought up the story of David’s own son Absalom. She said, “Why then have you devised a thing like this against the people of God? When the king says this, does he not convict himself, for the king has not brought back his banished son? Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But that is not what God desires; rather, he devises ways so that a banished person does not remain banished from him.” (2 Samuel 14:13‭-‬14). David knew that this woman did not just walk to the palace with such a story. He knew someone would have tasked her to do what she did. The woman revealed that Joab tasked her to plead on behalf of Absalom. She told David, “Your servant Joab did this to change the present situation. My Lord has wisdom like that of an angel of God—he knows everything that happens in the land.” (2 Samuel 14:20).

The action of the woman did not just restore Absalom, it also healed David’s crushed spirit. 2 Samuel 13:39a indicates that David longed to go to Absalom. King David was consoled concerning the death of Amnon and yet, he allowed Absalom to live in exile until the woman from Tekoa came to him. The action of this woman restored the family of David. Absalom was forgiven and one more time peace was restored in David’s palace. Although the peace did not stay for long, momentary, David’s crushed spirit was revived and Absalom was given a second chance at life.

Not many people have a second chance at life. The wise woman’s plea gave Absalom another opportunity to make things right. 

Tamar: Revenge and family feud

Our study on Tamar, David’s daughter, is not over. Amnon’s amorous desire and subsequent rape of Tamar didn’t go down well with his father David and his brother Absalom. According to 2 Samuel 13: 21-22, “when King David heard all this, he was furious. And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.” Scripture does not mention the disciplinary measure David took to mitigate the harm done to Tamar. He was just furious but Amnon went free. On the other hand, Absalom, the brother of Tamar, didn’t even say a single word about the incident to Amnon. In his silence, Absalom nurtured hatred for his brother Amnon. Is there something David could have done to alleviate the hurt in this incident? Maybe, he could have had an open discussion with the affected parties to ensure that no one is bitter. Further, Amnon should have been disciplined for his uncouth behavior. David himself was recovering from his own amorous relationship and the consequences of his sins. He might have taken this incident lightly and his lack of proactive measures caused more harm than good. 

Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman. (2 Samuel 13:20)

Tamar was bruised emotionally and physically. She was dishonoured by someone she trusted. In her act of service to her own brother, her innocence was taken away. She was hurt, broken and driven away like an ordinary servant. Until you experience pain and rejection from the people you love, you might not fully understand the pain Tamar had to go through. Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.” (2 Samuel 13:20). Tamar was left broken and wounded, she became desolate in her own father’s house. Amnon’s wickedness didn’t go unnoticed. For two years, Absalom nursed a grudge with his brother and looked for the perfect opportunity to strike. Absalom had every right to be angry but to seek vengeance, was something he was not supposed to do no matter the pain. David might have left a loophole for further confrontation but Absalom should have sought a better redress other than a decision to kill. 

Amnon’s predicament came two years after he had raped his sister. I am sure Amnon would have thought that Absalom had forgotten about the incident. But, Absalom had an evil plan. He invited all his brothers to his sheep-shearing and he ordered his men, “Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon down,’ then kill him. Don’t be afraid. Haven’t I given you this order? Be strong and brave.” So Absalom’s men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the king’s sons got up, mounted their mules and fled.”(2 Samuel 13:28‭-‬29). Absalom killed Amnon for raping his sister Tamar. Absalom had a feud with Amnon because of what he did to Tamar and he sought revenge the wrong way. While David mourned the possibility of the death of his sons, Amnon’s advisor, Jonadab, the same person who proposed the best way to get Tamar came to speak with David. He said, “My Lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead. This has been Absalom’s express intention ever since the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar.” (2 Samuel 13:32). Jonadab knew all this while that Absalom had such intentions and waited for the harm to be done. Friends like Jonadab should be avoided. They will lead you to evil and leave you in it while they escape from the consequences of their evil plans. 

The feud in king David’s palace was made worse. First, David’s own adultery and murder of Uriah;them Amnon raped Tamar and Absalom killed Amnon. In the midst of all these brouhaha, were women who were hurt, wounded and treated as second class to the men. Absalom fled for his life leaving his desolate sister behind. Indeed Absalom really loved his sister Tamar and even named his own daughter Tamar “and she became a beautiful woman” (2 Samuel 14:27). The story is far from over. The fire in David’s palace is yet to be quenched. 

One big lesson from this story is from Deuteronomy 32:35: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.” Sometimes, seeking revenge escalates the situation out of proportion.

Tamar: Raped and Hated

Imagine if there was a television station in 1000 BCE about the time of the reign of king David. With all the hullabaloo of the royal house, one news that might potentially cause the first son of the king to lose all access to the throne would be this: “King David’s palace was alerted today of an incident in Amnon’s quarters. Amnon, the son of Ahinoam and the first son of the king cunningly raped Tamar the daughter of the king through his wife Maakah. Tamar is the beautiful sister of the handsome Absalom.” Although there were no televisions in 1000 BCE and maybe an unfortunate incident such as the rape of the king’s daughter might not be announced publicly, it would no doubt affect Amnon’s reputation and Tamar’s self esteem. Amnon’s obsession with his own sister was no good. Even the advisor of Amnon saw that Amnon was looking haggard. Amnon confessed to his shrewd advisor  known as Jonadab that he was in love with Tamar. 

Upon Jonadab’s counsel, Amnon lied to David and had Tamar go to his house and make some bread for him. Tamar did not refuse to help a sick brother. She went and baked the bread as was expected. Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat and rather said  “Send everyone out of here” and so everyone left him (2 Samuel 13:9). Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom (2 Samuel 13:10). Tamar had no slight idea that her brother was up to no good. She innocently followed the instructions of her elder brother without no malice intent. However, when she took the bread to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister” (2 Samuel 13:11). Tamar gave Amnon enough reasons to persuade Amnon from raping her. She said: “No, my brother! Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” (2 Samuel 13:12‭-‬13). 

But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her. (2 Samuel 13:14)

Amnon was bent on evil and without remorse, he went ahead with his evil plans. He refused to listen to the words of counsel from Tamar and since he was stronger than His sister, he raped her (2 Samuel 13:14). What was Tamar’s crime to deserve this shameful treatment? As if that was not enough, Amnon drove her out of his house. After raping her, the infatuation was over. Amnon’s obsession was never out of love. He was just looking for an opportunity to sleep with his sister. The aftermath of the rape was this: Amnon hated Tamar with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!” (2 Samuel 13:15). Which kind of wickedness is this? Even when Tamar begged him not to throw her out, Amnon refused to listen. Amnon called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her” (2 Samuel 13:17). Like how? None of this makes sense. Amnon was a wicked and heartless young man. Imagine him as a king of Israel. Far from it! His actions did not just rid him of his position as the first born, it also made him a “wicked fool” just as Tamar had cautioned. Tamar was disgraced, raped and hated by her own brother. As the cultural sign, “Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing” and “she put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went” (2 Samuel 13:19).

In case you cannot stand the wickedness of Amnon, know that there are hundreds, thousands and even ten thousands of Amnons in the 21st century. These are men who are bent on evil. Some of these Amnons have raped their own wives, raped their children, raped their sisters, raped their friends, raped strangers, raped students etc. Fortunately, some of these Amnons have been arrested and charged for their crimes and yet others are walking about causing more pain and havoc. Amnon’s advisor,  Jonadab is the kind of friend you might want to avoid. The counsel of Jonadab was evil and yet, only Amnon would suffer the consequences of listening to Jonadab. 

Dear sisters, if you have an Amnon in your life that makes life uncomfortable for you, reach out to the appropriate authorities for help. 
Dear brothers, be a keeper of the women around you. Don’t let their kindness become a stepping stone to your evil intent. God will surely punish every evil. 
Dear lawmaker, don’t ignore the pleas of Tamars and don’t free the Amnons. 

The unnamed woman who destroyed Abimelek: Silent warriors

One of the people who set their minds to do evil and brutally accomplished it in the Bible is Abimelek. He was cruel, heartless, evil, brute, wicked and lacked empathy and common instincts. The story of Abimelek is recorded in Judges 9. He was the son of Gideon, a judge who was used by God to save the people of Israel at some point. After his successful campaign over the Midianites, the Israelites wanted to make Gideon a king but he refused: “The Israelites said to Gideon, “Rule over us—you, your son and your grandson—because you have saved us from the hand of Midian.” But Gideon told them, “I will not rule over you, nor will my son rule over you. The Lord will rule over you.” (Judges 8:22‭-‬23). Gideon made a golden ephod which he placed in Ophrah, his town and all Israel prostituted themselves by worshiping it there, and it became a snare to Gideon and his family” (Judges 8:27). Gideon had seventy sons of his own, from his many wives and his concubine, who lived in Shechem, also bore him a son, whom he named Abimelek meaning “my father is king.” Abimelek conspired with his relatives in Shechem and killed sixty-nine of his brothers. Only Jotham, the youngest, escaped. As if this was not enough, Abimelek and the people of Shechem became enemies after three years (instigated by God because of their evil). With cruelty, wickedness and evil Abimelek dealt with the Shechemites until one woman silenced him.

Abimelek went to the tower and attacked it. But as he approached the entrance to the tower to set it on fire, a woman dropped an upper millstone on his head and cracked his skull. (Judges 9:52‭-‬53)

The poignant smell of Abimelek’s evil against his own brothers rose to God and Heaven responded. The Schechemites were wrong to sponsor the murder of the sons of Gideon. We could blame Gideon for raising an idol and naming his son Abimelek (my father is king) but it does not take the fact that Gideon obeyed God and through him, the Midianite were defeated. Abimelek was running wild with no one to tame him. He destroyed cities, burnt fields, destroyed homes and killed people without remorse. He was power drunk, and his aim was to clear his path of any seemingly enemy no matter what it takes. There are miniature Abimeleks in the world now. They are brute, evil and without any sense of love. Their vision is to steal, kill and destroy just like their master the devil (John 10:10). Their swords are sharp and their arrows are full of poisonous snares. May God deliver us from such people. Abimelek was unstoppable and whole cities fled from his presence. He cared less for anyone other than himself. In one of his campaigns, to annihilate the people of Thebez by setting them on fire inside their city tower, another warrior intercepted him. He didn’t know what was in store for him. “Abimelek went to the tower and attacked it. But as he approached the entrance to the tower to set it on fire, a woman dropped an upper millstone on his head and cracked his skull.” (Judges 9:52‭-‬53)

The wicked Abimelek was badly wounded by an unnamed woman, a warrior with no history,  a silent but determined warrior. She did not miss the target. In his frustration, Abimelek hurriedly called to his armor-bearer, “Draw your sword and kill me, so that they can’t say, ‘A woman killed him.’ ” So his servant ran him through, and he died. When the Israelites saw that Abimelek was dead, they went home.” (Judges 9:54‭-‬55). The bloody campaigns of Abimelek was stopped by a woman. The Bible does not even give the name of this woman. She was obviously harmless and afraid for her life while she hid in the tower. But, at a moment, she realized that she could either perish with the rest of the city or she could kill Abimelek and rescue the city. She chose the latter and she saved her city. She was probably celebrated in the city and her legacy have been documented as a reminder of how one woman stopped a ravaging serial killer. Abimelek’s tantrums were calmed and peace was restored once again. The warrior had just a millstone.

The unnamed woman who ended the evil reign of Abimelek, son of Gideon reminds us that no one is too insignificant for battle. Moses had an ordinary staff, and God used it for extraordinary purposes. The unnamed woman had a millstone and it cracked the skull of the villain. You have the Godhead and you still see yourself as the least? Be empowered, be ready, hold your sword, and as you fearlessly prepare with the armor of God (Ephesians 6:11), strategically position yourself to drop some spiritual ballistic missiles on your enemies. We are too equipped to lose this battle. We are made for more!

Deborah: A prophet, a wife and a judge

Juggling between work and family has become the norm for the 21st century woman. Each of these responsibilities demands commitment and dedication. Imagine going to work for 8 hours or more in a day and having to take care of the family (husband and kids) afterwards. This may sound tiring but the average ‘working class married woman’ is committed to both home and office. This isn’t new, even in the olden times, some women relentlessly juggled between home and work and were still considered good at both places. A typical example of such women is Deborah. When the Israelites arrived in the promised land, before they had kings, they were ruled by Judges. The judges were like prime ministers. They ensured that the people lived right and in safety. Naturally, you would expect such a daunting responsibility to be given to strong and mighty men considering the fact that battles were constantly fought during those times. The nation of Israel itself was quite rebellious and they were stiff-necked people. Like the 21st century world, each one wanted to do what pleases them with little disregard for God. Their disobedience landed them in different battles and the Lord raised the judges to help them win their battles and to maintain law and order. 

Now Deborah, a prophet, the wife of Lappidoth, was leading Israel at that time. (Judges 4:4)

With such a job description, you might consider the strong and mighty warriors to be qualified to judge the nation. Of course, Israel had strong and mighty (physical strength) judges who helped them to defeat their enemies. One unlikely judge was Deborah. “Now Deborah, a prophet, the wife of Lappidoth, was leading Israel at that time” (Judges 4:4). Deborah’s job description begins with a prophetic ministry, her role as a wife and her office as a judge. As a judge, “she held court under the Palm of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in the hill country of Ephraim, and the Israelites went up to her to have their disputes decided” (Judges 4:5). How was she able to hold her home together in addition to her prophetic and executive responsibilities? Deborah would have been a confident woman who knew what to do at every time. She wouldn’t spend unnecessary time doing unnecessary things. She would have been committed to building her home, her ministry and work. Obviously, Lappidoth her husband might have been instrumental in all this. Deborah was a God-fearing woman, a go-getter, a purpose driven leader, a mother and a lover of her husband. She embodied all these together and still excelled in all.

When Jabin, king of Hazor and Sisera, his army commander, oppressed the Israelites (for the Israelites turned away from God), Deborah had to lead the people to battle. “She sent for Barak son of Abinoam from Kedesh in Naphtali and said to him, “The Lord, the God of Israel, commands you: ‘Go, take with you ten thousand men of Naphtali and Zebulun and lead them up to Mount Tabor” (Judges 4:6). Although God had promised them victory,  Barak’s reply was, “If you go with me, I will go; but if you don’t go with me, I won’t go.” (Judges 4:8). Deborah did not shudder, she accepted the challenge and led Israel to battle. God granted them astounding victory over their enemies. Deborah, the prophet and the wife of Lappidoth had a music ministry as well, that is she was a worshiper. After their victory, she sang the song of Deborah (Judges 5). One woman, different responsibilities, and yet able to play all these roles to the fullest. Deborah was not your everyday woman. She was made for more. She defied the status quo,  and did what was ascribed to mighty men. She did not allow societal perception to affect her. She was a woman who knew her call and she worked hard to ensure that she fulfilled her call. 

Deborah, just the Proverbs 31 woman reminds us that you can have it all and do it all. Her rise to the top did not make her rise above her husband. The challenge of our generation is that when some women take on responsibilities that make them higher and more publicly seen and respected than their husbands, they expect their husbands to pay “homage” to them. With all the social accolades, Deborah still remained the wife of Lappidoth. She submitted to him and he was the head. 
Dear married man, don’t be jealous when your wife rises higher than you. Help her to shine in her career or ministry. Be a shoulder to lean on and be praying for her. 
Dear woman, no matter how high you rise, you cannot rise above the standard of God. You can be a wife, a warrior, a professional, and any other position. You were made for more. Don’t allow your career to ruin your home. Have a Deborah mindset.