Husbands, love your wives

The biggest driving force behind many marital unions is love. Of course there are many others who marry for other reasons other than love. However, for most of the young couples living in the West, it begins with the acknowledgement of loving each other. In the marital union, couples need different expressions of love to survive. There are times when Eros (romantic love) will fail. That’s the reason the other expressions of love are necessary for couples. Many men and women ‘in love’ go to the extent of demonstrating their love in various ways. It could be through gifts and sacrifices, calling and checking up on one another among others.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. ‭‭(Ephesians 5:25)

In the institution of marriage, each of the couples play relevant roles to ensure the sustenance of the home. Marriage itself demands an amount of work on the part of the couple to grow bigger and better. In admonishing the Ephesian church in instructions for Christian households,  Paul made this important statement: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” ‭‭(Ephesians 5:25). Why would Paul admonish the husband’s to love their wives just as Christ loved the church? Obviously Paul doesn’t imply that the women shouldn’t love their husbands. From a woman’s perspective of love transfer in relationships, some women tend to commit more than some men. It is easy for a woman to love the unlovable man and overlook all his weaknesses. Men on the other hand are more tactical and less likely to demonstrate love towards a woman who is a constant pain. Paul’s advice was that men should love (Agape) their wives in the similitude of the love Christ demonstrated to the church. Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ demonstrated His love to the church by giving up Himself for the church. He didn’t die for a perfect church. He died for a broken and sinful church.

Imperfection and brokenness are states we daily deal with in our relationships. In our lowest points, we tend to even hurt those we love including our spouses. We use foul words, we snare at each other, and sometimes our actions make our spouses more uncomfortable. As women, our emotions can sometimes take the best part of us and the result is a recipe for disaster. Paul knew this, he might have dealt with marital issues in the church. In ‭‭Ephesians 5:25-31, he writes,
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.””

Thus, beside the emotional support of the husband, loving the wife also implies her spiritual development and growth. The husband should present the wife before the Lord without any blemishes. That is love! Paul continues to say that whoever loves his wife loves himself because of the principle of one flesh. Our Christian homes should reflect this profound love experience.

A charge to wives: Women in the church in Ephesus

Paul established the church in Ephesus through the initial contact with twelve disciples (Acts 19). After baptizing these people into regeneration, and placing his hands on them to receive the Holy Spirit. The church in Ephesus was birthed. However, Paul faced a series of opposition in Ephesus caused by the silversmith Demetrius who made images of the goddess Artemis. Yet, the church stood strong. The letter to the church in Ephesus was Paul’s explanation to the believers’ new identity in Christ. Paul charged the believers on different facets of their new life in Christ. From Chapter 4:17 till the end of the letter, Paul touched on different issues regarding Christian living, marriage, children, homebuilding among others. This post will consider the charge to the wives in Ephesus as presented in Ephesians chapter 5. This charge is relevant even today.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)

In Ephesus 5:21, Paul states that “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This begins the charge to Christian households. Paul admonished that submission be made to one another in the home. Then, Paul addresses each player in the home. We will focus on the charge to the Christian wives:
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:22‭-‬24)
First, Paul already set the premise that in the home, submission should be made to one another. But to the wives, Paul specifically directed the Christian wives to submit to their own husbands as they submit to the Lord. Why the specific emphasis on the submission of wives? Naturally, many of us as women will not easily submit to our husbands just as we submit to the Lord. In fact, the idea of submitting itself is not pleasant to many wives and to the extent of submitting as the Lord is not quite an easy route. However, if we fail to submit to our own husbands, then we have no head at all as we saw in 1 Corinthians 11:3, “But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”

Paul further explained that “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:23-24). This supports the points raised in 1 Corinthians stated above. Until you see your husband as your spiritual head, submission to him just as to the Lord will mean nothing to you. Remember, Paul does not state that submission is one-way in marriage. He addresses the two-way dimension of submission but the Christian woman should consider submission to the husband as submission to the Lord. This is very critical and affects our relationship with the Lord.

In general women must learn to submit to their own husbands. Your credentials and qualifications do not void submission. Therefore, it is necessary to review our intentions behind every decision we make in relation to marriage. If a man is spiritual but lacks character, know that you will be living the rest of your life submitting to him. Before you agree to a holy wedlock, know that submission is a given in Christian marriages.

Solomon’s thousand women

Imagine attending an all-women conference in a very distinguished conference room. Seated in the auditorium were a thousand women of different nations. Majority of these women were of royal birth (princesses), some were beauty pageants, others were brand ambassadors, few others were business owners and yet others were well-known media influencers. As you stand before these different classes and shades of women, you see the glamor, the fashion sense, the exquisite appearances and their outward display of wealth. These women are from different cultures with different belief systems, different family systems, different ways of dressing, different gods, different types of foods, different languages, different experiences and different understanding of worship. However, there is a commonality between all these women: they are all women of one man. In other words, these thousand women are wives and concubines to just one human being. Like me, you might be shocked. How can one person manage so many women and still go by? How does he keep a thousand women? Does he remember their names? Is he able to spend time with them? Just how? Even if the women look happy, you might be confused about how just one man is keeping a thousand women for himself. 

He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. (1 Kings 11:3)

King Solomon, the heir of David is well-known for his wealth and wisdom. However he is also famous for his ability to keep a thousand women as wives and concubines. According to 1 Kings 11:1-2, Solomon “loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter—Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love.” When the average man is still learning how to manage one woman, Solomon was managing a thousand! His women were of these categories: seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines (1 King 11:3). How can you keep your spiritual fervency in the midst of such a chaotic spiritual environment? No wonder the wives of Solomon led him astray to worship other gods (1 Kings 11:3). The different wives all came with their own gods and “as Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been” (1 Kings 11:4).

Solomon’s wisdom and wealth attracted people of all caliber. Many nations sealed their alliances with him through royal marriages. But, if Solomon had considered the laws of God, he might have saved himself from being led away. In Deuteronomy 17:17, God told Moses to tell the Israelites that the king they choose to rule over them should not do the following: he must not take many wives, or his heart will be led astray;  he must not accumulate large amounts of silver and gold. Solomon failed in these two, he accumulated so much wealth that he became the richest man in his generation. With the wealth came royal and business alliances that resulted in a thousand women. Ultimately, the heart of Solomon was led astray. Imagine living with an Egyptian Princess, a Moabite Princess, an Ammonite Princess, an Edomite Princess, a Sidonian Princess and a Hittite Princess among other hundreds of princesses.

The consequences of these different marriages were these: 
1 Kings 11:5, 7-8 state that Solomon followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable god of Moab, and for Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. He did the same for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and offered sacrifices to their gods.
In 1 Kings 11:6, we are told that Solomon did evil in the eyes of the Lord; he did not follow the Lord completely, as David his father had done.
1 Kings 11:9 states that the Lord became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice.
1 Kings 11:10 states that although he had forbidden Solomon to follow other gods, Solomon did not keep the Lord’s command. 
As a result of Solomon’s disobedient and apostasy (abandoning God), the Lord said to Solomon, “Since this is your attitude and you have not kept my covenant and my decrees, which I commanded you, I will most certainly tear the kingdom away from you and give it to one of your subordinates.” (1 Kings 11:11).
After the death of Solomon his successor (Rehoboam) foolishly caused the division of the kingdom of Israel (1 Kings 12). Rehoboam’s action was in fulfillment of the prophecy against his father.

You might not have a thousand women but there are many things that could trigger disobedience and apostasy. Never allow the things you possess to draw your heart away from God. If it is not leading you to a better relationship with God, it is potentially leading you away from God. Check the state of your heart and be sure that in all things, God is glorified.