Abigail: Patience is a virtue

Marriage is a full package and depending on your spouse, you might get more than you wanted or nothing close to what you really wanted. Abigail was married to probably one of the richest men in her community. Nabal had property at Carmel, and was very wealthy. He had a thousand goats and three thousand sheep (1 Samuel 25:2). I am sure Abigail did not need to worry about food and other things needed for daily living. In fact, she was able to organize a party for an army of over 600 people in just a short time without asking for help from her husband: “She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grain, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys” (1 Samuel 25:18). Even in the 21st century, it would cost a fortune to prepare this meal fit for a king. In other words, money and food wouldn’t have been a worry for Abigail. Her worry was the fact that she was a beautiful and intelligent woman who was married to a foolish and brutish man. Such an irony!

When Abigail went to Nabal, he was in the house holding a banquet like that of a king. He was in high spirits and very drunk. So she told him nothing at all until daybreak. About ten days later, the Lord struck Nabal and he died. (1 Samuel 25:36‭, ‬38)

Abigail acted wisely to save herself, Nabal and the whole family from David’s attack. David confirmed that if Abigail had not intervened, not one male belonging to Nabal would have been left alive by daybreak (1 Samuel 25:34. Meanwhile, the chief culprit, Nabal, was partying. He had no clue what he had caused and how his wickedness had almost escalated to a potential death threat. The matter was settled and David and his men returned to their hideout. Abigail might have shared a sigh of relief. “When Abigail went to Nabal, he was in the house holding a banquet like that of a king. He was in high spirits and very drunk. So she told him nothing at all until daybreak” (1 Samuel 25:36). Nabal’s folly had put his entire household in trouble, meanwhile he was oblivious of the impending doom and was just drinking his life away. Imagine the state David and his men would have met Nabal. He would have been so drunk without any control to mitigate the impact of his actions. Thankfully Abigail was up for the task.

Throughout the story of Abigail, she demonstrated patience towards Nabal. First, she didn’t start by nagging and accusing Nabal for refusing to assist David and his men. Abigail was patient enough to take care of the situation. When she returned to meet her very drunk husband, she was patient enough to let matters lie until he became sober. What an attitude! Most women in the position of Abigail would have started the drama right after the servants mentioned the incident. Others would have caused a scene at the sheep shearing knowing that Nabal was partying while his attitudes had almost caused an extermination. Abigail knew the nature of her husband, she patiently waited until daybreak. “Then in the morning, when Nabal was sober, his wife told him all these things, and his heart failed him and he became like a stone” (1 Samuel 25:37). In his sober state, Nabal was convicted of his action. He knew that if Abigail had not intervened, he would have been a dead man. The message Bible renders 1 Samuel 25:37-38 this way: “But in the morning, after Nabal had sobered up, she told him the whole story. Right then and there he had a heart attack and fell into a coma. About ten days later God finished him off and he died” (1 Samuel 25:36‭-‬38 MSG). When Nabal understood the full weight of his actions, his heart and body failed him. He might have been a real fool to have missed the bigger picture of his actions. 

Nabal’s folly led him to an early grave leaving behind a beautiful and intelligent widow. Abigail’s marriage with Nabal ended on a very sad note. Her own husband orchestrated his own downfall. What would become of Abigail? What if her husband had made many other enemies beside David? Abigail might have had to develop enough patience to live with Nabal. Her marriage was desirable when it came to money and provision but in attitude, Abigail had to accommodate the messes of Nabal. 

Indeed, love is patient and kind. Patience is a virtue. If we lose patience, we ultimately lose ourselves and the battle of controlling our anger. If we don’t learn to be patient, we would ultimately become a patient to our impatience and anger. Anger lies in the bosom of fools (Ecclesiastes 7:9). The remedy for Nabal’s trouble was Abigail’s patience. 

Abigail: Beauty and the beast

A few years ago, when I was getting ready for marriage, one of the things I prayerfully considered was a wise husband. For me, spirituality without wisdom was tantamount to nothing. If we fail to consider the nature and character of our partners before we marry, a beautiful woman would be in a holy wedlock with a sentimental fool. So many beautiful and God-fearing people have married spouses who turned out to be something else. Some beautiful women have married beasts who turned the women into punching bags. Some hard working men have married extremely lazy and contemptuous women. Whereas going into such marriages seems easier, coming out is the most difficult experience. As our faith does not support divorce, make sure you choose your partner with all wisdom and understanding.  Love has eyes, it is never blind.

The man’s name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail; she was a woman of good understanding, and beautiful. But the man was rough and evil in his doings; he was a Calebite. (1 Samuel 25:3 AMPC)

As we continue our series on women in the Bible, let’s stop at Carmel. We would visit the house of Nabal and Abigail. Our focus would be on Abigail, the wife of Nabal. Their story also intertwines with the story of David. This is how the Bible introduced Nabal and Abigail: “There was a certain man in Maon who carried on his business in the region of Carmel. He was very prosperous—three thousand sheep and a thousand goats, and it was sheep-shearing time in Carmel. The man’s name was Nabal (Fool), a Calebite, and his wife’s name was Abigail. The woman was intelligent and good-looking, the man brutish and mean.” (1 Samuel 25:2‭-‬3 MSG). Before the reader is exposed to what really happened, the stage was set. Abigail was intelligent and beautiful but Nabal was brute and mean. In other words, Abigail and Nabal were like beauty and the beast. How did two different people manage to live under the same roof? Now, see what happened: 

“While David was in the wilderness, he heard that Nabal was shearing sheep. So he sent ten young men and said to them, “Go up to Nabal at Carmel and greet him in my name. Say to him: ‘Long life to you! Good health to you and your household! And good health to all that is yours! “ ‘Now I hear that it is sheep-shearing time. When your shepherds were with us, we did not mistreat them, and the whole time they were at Carmel nothing of theirs was missing. Ask your own servants and they will tell you. Therefore be favorable toward my men, since we come at a festive time. Please give your servants and your son David whatever you can find for them.’ ” (1 Samuel 25:4‭-‬8). Nabal’s reply was, “Who is this David? Who is this son of Jesse? Many servants are breaking away from their masters these days. Why should I take my bread and water, and the meat I have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it to men coming from who knows where?” (1 Samuel 25:10‭-‬11). Was this reply intentional? Didn’t Nabal know who David was? Was Nabal just being harsh and mean? Whatever Nabal’s intention was, it really triggered David to retaliate. 

In case Nabal just wanted to be mean to David, he should have known that his response could potentially cause David the giant slayer to attack him and his household. Nabal’s harsh reply put all he had in potential threat. What was he thinking? A giant slayer with over 600 men who had helped Nabal’s shepherds made a request, and the response even surprised Nabal’s own shepherds. No wonder Proverbs admonishes us to get wisdom: “Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or turn away from them. Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Cherish her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you. She will give you a garland to grace your head and present you with a glorious crown.” (Proverbs 4:5‭-‬9)

Abigail might have had to daily deal with the excesses of Nabal. If she failed to correct his errors, even her own life was in danger. Imagine if Nabal had married a woman who was not as wise as Abigail. The result would have been worse. We shall continue to look at Abigail’s reaction to this situation in our next post.

Many marriages have spouses with attitudes such as Nabal. In such unions, the other spouses would have to daily repair and restore relationships and friendships, build trust and apologize to as many people who experience the brutality of their spouses. If you are married to anyone who has the character of Nabal, I pray for God’s wisdom to navigate through. If you are yet to marry, make sure not to overlook any red flags along the way. If beauty marries the beast in real life (not in Disney movies), beauty either changes to a beast or gets consumed by the beast. Before you tie the knot, look around, look ahead, and look up…don’t miss any signal. In real life, the beast doesn’t turn into a prince charming by the deactivating tears of a beautiful princess. For a real life beauty to tame a beast, it takes lots of work, prayers, fasting and potential bruises from the beast. Your body might be bruised and your emotions might be hurt as well.

The concubine from Bethlehem: Abused, butchered and divided into pieces

One of the inhumane stories in the Bible is recorded in Judges 19. Before we delve into the story, let’s look at some background information. A Levite (descendant of Levi, son of Jacob) had a concubine from Bethlehem in Judah. First, cohabitation is not a 20th century thing. From time immemorial till date, some people prefer to be in a cohabitation rather than marriage. For most people, it is just escaping from the commitment in marriage and for others, the financial burden of a marriage ceremony leads them to be in a cohabitation relationship. As there are no legal ties, each partner can do whatever they want including leaving the relationship when they want. Cohabitation is not God’s plan for raising godly families and children. It is humanity’s escape route to enjoying ‘freedom’ and the unstoppable access to do what they feel like even when they are with another person. Remember,  during the times of the judges,  Israel had no king; everyone did as they saw fit (Judges 21:25). In the 21st century, most nations have made alternate arrangements for partners engaged in cohabitation. However in ancient Israel, that must have been taken as a rebellious relationship as their laws permitted sex or consummation in the context of marriage. So the Levite, from a priestly family obviously knew better than engaging a woman from another tribe as a concubine.

In those days Israel had no king. Now a Levite who lived in a remote area in the hill country of Ephraim took a concubine from Bethlehem in Judah. But the men would not listen to him. So the man took his concubine and sent her outside to them, and they raped her and abused her throughout the night, and at dawn they let her go. (Judges 19:1‭, ‬25)

The story begins on this note: “In those days Israel had no king. Now a Levite who lived in a remote area in the hill country of Ephraim took a concubine from Bethlehem in Judah. But she was unfaithful to him. She left him and went back to her parents’ home in Bethlehem, Judah. After she had been there four months, her husband went to her to persuade her to return. He had with him his servant and two donkeys. She took him into her parents’ home, and when her father saw him, he gladly welcomed him.” (Judges 19:1‭-‬3). Just as the Levite was unfaithful to God’s commands, his concubine was also unfaithful to him and left him. The woman was free to leave as she was not legally bound to the Levite. The dissatisfied Levite travelled all the way to Bethlehem to bring back his concubine but after being detained on a few occasions by the woman’s father, the man refused to stay one more night. He left for his home country with his servant and concubine. Their journey did not go as they planned. While spending the night in Gibeah, some wicked men requested the host to “Bring out the man who came to your house so we can have sex with him.” (Judges 19:22c). Does this request ring a bell? Lot and his family were given similar demands by the Sodomites (Genesis 19). The host tried to intervene but it did not work. Instead of confronting the men of Gibeah, the Levite did this: 
“So the man took his concubine and sent her outside to them, and they raped her and abused her throughout the night, and at dawn they let her go. (Judges 19:25b). 

If you have not read this passage, I will request that you do. The concubine was given away by her partner to the group of men who wanted to sleep with him. The woman might have suffered emotional trauma of seeing her partner hand her over to a group of men to rape her. The Levite spared himself but gave his partner to this ravenous men who spent all night raping her. I can’t even imagine the number of times this woman was abused. It was a gang rape incident and her concubine went to sleep. Afterall, He was not committed to her. The woman was left alone to satisfy men who have forsaken God’s laws about showing kindness to strangers. As if that was not enough, these men knew that God forbade them against sodomy. The Levite might have known all these and yet, forsook his concubine in a brutal action that took her life. After the gang rape, at daybreak, the woman went back to the house  where her master was staying, fell down at the door and lay there until daylight. When her master got up in the morning and opened the door of the house and stepped out to continue on his way, there lay his concubine, fallen in the doorway of the house, with her hands on the threshold. He said to her, “Get up; let’s go.” But there was no answer. Then the man put her on his donkey and set out for home. (Judges 19:26‭-‬28). After the Levite arrived home, he did a barbaric act: “When he reached home, he took a knife and cut up his concubine, limb by limb, into twelve parts and sent them into all the areas of Israel”  (Judges 19:29). The same man who spared his life to end that of his concubine had the courage to demand for justice in the most barbaric way. In fact, “everyone who saw it was saying to one another, “Such a thing has never been seen or done, not since the day the Israelites came up out of Egypt. Just imagine! We must do something! So speak up!” (Judges 19:30). Judges 20 and 21 details the unfortunate battles that were fought and the lives that were lost because of this. 

The story of this unfortunate concubine teaches us important lessons about love and relationship. The Levite man saved his life but led his partner into the hands of her killers. She was abused, killed, butchered and shared as a war signal across Israel. She left Judah in full but only her piece was sent back. Before you move in with him, know that if he is not committed to you the right way, he can hand you over to save his life, image, and self-esteem. Run away from what can take your life. 

On the contrary, Jesus took our place as sinners and died for our sins. According to Jesus, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:13). Jesus wasn’t talking about laying down your life in marriage or in a relationship. Jesus was talking about the salvation He brought to humanity. 

The unnamed woman who destroyed Abimelek: Silent warriors

One of the people who set their minds to do evil and brutally accomplished it in the Bible is Abimelek. He was cruel, heartless, evil, brute, wicked and lacked empathy and common instincts. The story of Abimelek is recorded in Judges 9. He was the son of Gideon, a judge who was used by God to save the people of Israel at some point. After his successful campaign over the Midianites, the Israelites wanted to make Gideon a king but he refused: “The Israelites said to Gideon, “Rule over us—you, your son and your grandson—because you have saved us from the hand of Midian.” But Gideon told them, “I will not rule over you, nor will my son rule over you. The Lord will rule over you.” (Judges 8:22‭-‬23). Gideon made a golden ephod which he placed in Ophrah, his town and all Israel prostituted themselves by worshiping it there, and it became a snare to Gideon and his family” (Judges 8:27). Gideon had seventy sons of his own, from his many wives and his concubine, who lived in Shechem, also bore him a son, whom he named Abimelek meaning “my father is king.” Abimelek conspired with his relatives in Shechem and killed sixty-nine of his brothers. Only Jotham, the youngest, escaped. As if this was not enough, Abimelek and the people of Shechem became enemies after three years (instigated by God because of their evil). With cruelty, wickedness and evil Abimelek dealt with the Shechemites until one woman silenced him.

Abimelek went to the tower and attacked it. But as he approached the entrance to the tower to set it on fire, a woman dropped an upper millstone on his head and cracked his skull. (Judges 9:52‭-‬53)

The poignant smell of Abimelek’s evil against his own brothers rose to God and Heaven responded. The Schechemites were wrong to sponsor the murder of the sons of Gideon. We could blame Gideon for raising an idol and naming his son Abimelek (my father is king) but it does not take the fact that Gideon obeyed God and through him, the Midianite were defeated. Abimelek was running wild with no one to tame him. He destroyed cities, burnt fields, destroyed homes and killed people without remorse. He was power drunk, and his aim was to clear his path of any seemingly enemy no matter what it takes. There are miniature Abimeleks in the world now. They are brute, evil and without any sense of love. Their vision is to steal, kill and destroy just like their master the devil (John 10:10). Their swords are sharp and their arrows are full of poisonous snares. May God deliver us from such people. Abimelek was unstoppable and whole cities fled from his presence. He cared less for anyone other than himself. In one of his campaigns, to annihilate the people of Thebez by setting them on fire inside their city tower, another warrior intercepted him. He didn’t know what was in store for him. “Abimelek went to the tower and attacked it. But as he approached the entrance to the tower to set it on fire, a woman dropped an upper millstone on his head and cracked his skull.” (Judges 9:52‭-‬53)

The wicked Abimelek was badly wounded by an unnamed woman, a warrior with no history,  a silent but determined warrior. She did not miss the target. In his frustration, Abimelek hurriedly called to his armor-bearer, “Draw your sword and kill me, so that they can’t say, ‘A woman killed him.’ ” So his servant ran him through, and he died. When the Israelites saw that Abimelek was dead, they went home.” (Judges 9:54‭-‬55). The bloody campaigns of Abimelek was stopped by a woman. The Bible does not even give the name of this woman. She was obviously harmless and afraid for her life while she hid in the tower. But, at a moment, she realized that she could either perish with the rest of the city or she could kill Abimelek and rescue the city. She chose the latter and she saved her city. She was probably celebrated in the city and her legacy have been documented as a reminder of how one woman stopped a ravaging serial killer. Abimelek’s tantrums were calmed and peace was restored once again. The warrior had just a millstone.

The unnamed woman who ended the evil reign of Abimelek, son of Gideon reminds us that no one is too insignificant for battle. Moses had an ordinary staff, and God used it for extraordinary purposes. The unnamed woman had a millstone and it cracked the skull of the villain. You have the Godhead and you still see yourself as the least? Be empowered, be ready, hold your sword, and as you fearlessly prepare with the armor of God (Ephesians 6:11), strategically position yourself to drop some spiritual ballistic missiles on your enemies. We are too equipped to lose this battle. We are made for more!

Do not be yoked with them

A yoke is a wooden crosspiece that is fastened over the necks of two animals and then attached to the plow or cart that they are to pull. It will be a difficult task to yoke two different animals. For example, a donkey and a horse cannot be yoked together because they will make the work of pulling the cart that they are attached to difficult. Paul used this example to explain a profound Biblical truth; the message of separation. As believers, though we live and interact with unbelievers, we do not have to be yoked together with them. For example, a believer should not by no means marry an unbeliever. If both were unbelievers and one came to faith, it is a different scenario as compared to a born again Christian marrying an unbeliever. That is unequally yoked!

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14)

Paul used the following opposite words to explain this.
1. Righteousness and wickedness- According to Paul, there is no commonality between righteousness (believers) and wickedness (sinful life).
2. Light and darkness- Can there be a fellowship with light (children of God) and darkness (sin/unbelieving hearts)?
The truth is, neither righteousness nor wickedness can dwell in the same abode. Light and darkness do not coexist. It is either you are one or the other. Therefore, if you identify yourself with light, live a life of light. We have been given the world as a field of souls to evangelise but we should make sure not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.

Knowledge of this truth affects our attitudes towards unbelievers. We should first desire their salvation. Every soul is important to God and we should do our best to reach all men with the message of the gospel. However, it is very important to secure the salvation of unbelievers first before we get yoked. If two different animals are pulling the same cart, the unusual balance can cause the cart to topple and even fall. We should be mindful of the people we call our close friends. What advice would you get from them in times of trouble? Would you be led to Christ or to crises? The devil is canvassing for more people into his kingdom. Do not be deceived into an unusual balance. Do not be yoked with them! Come out from among them and be separated! (2 Cor. 6:17).