Foolish Choices and Their Consequences

Not everything we want is needed. If we don’t learn to control our craving, our desire for food, social satisfaction, emotional satisfaction and attention could become the stepping stones to one’s downfall. According to Proverbs‬ 25:28‬, a person without self-control is like a city whose walls are broken through. A city with broken walls is open to everything and everyone including the good, the bad and the ugly. In 2 Samuel 13, Amnon, the son of David, made a foolish decision and executed it because of lack of self-control. He deceitfully raped his own half-sister, Tamar. This foolish act was incubated by those who were hurt and escalated to a bloodshed that caused the house of David to shake.

And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar. (‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭13:22‬)

Tamar, the lady who was raped got home, “her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.‭‭” (2 Samuel‬ ‭13:20‬). On his part, Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar. (‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭13:22‬). In his silence, Absalom plotted and killed Amnon at the least expected time. The following are lessons can we learn from this story:

Control Your Cravings: Amnon’s story serves as a poignant reminder that not everything we desire is a legitimate need. The unbridled craving that fueled his actions led to the reprehensible act of deceiving and raping his half-sister, Tamar. Proverbs‬ 25:28’s imagery of a city with broken walls captures the vulnerability that accompanies uncontrolled desires. Learning to master our cravings is an essential step in safeguarding our well-being and the well-being of those around us.

Don’t Take Wrong Counsel: Amnon took wrong counsel from his adviser. ‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭13:3‭-‬5‬ ‭describes Amnon’s adviser named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. He asked Amnon, “Why do you, the king’s son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won’t you tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” Jonadab’s advice was this, “Go to bed and pretend to be ill.” “When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.’ ” This wicked counsel led to Amnon’s disgraceful act of raping his sister. Upon being violated, Tamar sought solace from her brother Absalom, who, instead of seeking justice from the king or comfort for his sister, advised her to remain silent. The wrong counsel from family and friends can perpetuate cycles of pain and injustice. Wise discernment in choosing our confidants is crucial to navigating the complexities of life, ensuring that our actions are guided by principles of justice and righteousness.

Take Action Quickly: In the aftermath of Amnon’s heinous act, the narrative in 2 Samuel 13 raises questions about David’s response. Did he take swift action to address the situation? Amnon’s unchecked actions threatened to destabilize the family, highlighting the urgency for intervention. Timely and decisive action can prevent the escalation of conflicts and mitigate the potential for irreversible consequences.

Make Peace Immediately: The repercussions of Amnon’s rape of Tamar had far-reaching effects, casting a shadow over the House of David. Making peace in the face of conflict becomes imperative to prevent the festering of wounds. Immediate intervention and reconciliation efforts can help mend the broken bonds within families and communities, averting further pain and discord.

Don’t Pay Evil with Evil: As the story unfolds, Absalom’s response to Amnon’s disgraceful act is a study in silence and simmering hatred. While Absalom refrained from repaying evil with evil immediately, his silent plotting would eventually lead to tragic consequences, the death of Amnon and the eventual fleeing of Absalom. The biblical principle of not paying evil with evil (Romans 12:17) underscores the importance of seeking justice through righteous means rather than succumbing to a cycle of revenge.

The consequences of Amnon’s rape of Tamar reverberated through the House of David. Tamar, desolate and broken, lived in the house of her brother Absalom. Absalom’s silent hatred for Amnon culminated in a vengeful act, as he plotted and eventually killed his brother. The House of David, once a symbol of strength and unity, now bore the scars of one man’s lack of self-control. The tragic story of Amnon’s foolish choices serves as a cautionary narrative about the destructive potential of unchecked desires and the far-reaching consequences of such actions. In navigating the complexities of human relationships, it is imperative to exercise self-control, seek wise counsel, take swift and just action, prioritize reconciliation, and adhere to the biblical principle of not repaying evil with evil. Amnon’s story reminds us of the profound impact one person’s lack of restraint can have on the lives of many, emphasizing the need for wisdom, discernment, and a commitment to justice and righteousness.

Tamar: Revenge and family feud

Our study on Tamar, David’s daughter, is not over. Amnon’s amorous desire and subsequent rape of Tamar didn’t go down well with his father David and his brother Absalom. According to 2 Samuel 13: 21-22, “when King David heard all this, he was furious. And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.” Scripture does not mention the disciplinary measure David took to mitigate the harm done to Tamar. He was just furious but Amnon went free. On the other hand, Absalom, the brother of Tamar, didn’t even say a single word about the incident to Amnon. In his silence, Absalom nurtured hatred for his brother Amnon. Is there something David could have done to alleviate the hurt in this incident? Maybe, he could have had an open discussion with the affected parties to ensure that no one is bitter. Further, Amnon should have been disciplined for his uncouth behavior. David himself was recovering from his own amorous relationship and the consequences of his sins. He might have taken this incident lightly and his lack of proactive measures caused more harm than good. 

Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman. (2 Samuel 13:20)

Tamar was bruised emotionally and physically. She was dishonoured by someone she trusted. In her act of service to her own brother, her innocence was taken away. She was hurt, broken and driven away like an ordinary servant. Until you experience pain and rejection from the people you love, you might not fully understand the pain Tamar had to go through. Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.” (2 Samuel 13:20). Tamar was left broken and wounded, she became desolate in her own father’s house. Amnon’s wickedness didn’t go unnoticed. For two years, Absalom nursed a grudge with his brother and looked for the perfect opportunity to strike. Absalom had every right to be angry but to seek vengeance, was something he was not supposed to do no matter the pain. David might have left a loophole for further confrontation but Absalom should have sought a better redress other than a decision to kill. 

Amnon’s predicament came two years after he had raped his sister. I am sure Amnon would have thought that Absalom had forgotten about the incident. But, Absalom had an evil plan. He invited all his brothers to his sheep-shearing and he ordered his men, “Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon down,’ then kill him. Don’t be afraid. Haven’t I given you this order? Be strong and brave.” So Absalom’s men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the king’s sons got up, mounted their mules and fled.”(2 Samuel 13:28‭-‬29). Absalom killed Amnon for raping his sister Tamar. Absalom had a feud with Amnon because of what he did to Tamar and he sought revenge the wrong way. While David mourned the possibility of the death of his sons, Amnon’s advisor, Jonadab, the same person who proposed the best way to get Tamar came to speak with David. He said, “My Lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead. This has been Absalom’s express intention ever since the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar.” (2 Samuel 13:32). Jonadab knew all this while that Absalom had such intentions and waited for the harm to be done. Friends like Jonadab should be avoided. They will lead you to evil and leave you in it while they escape from the consequences of their evil plans. 

The feud in king David’s palace was made worse. First, David’s own adultery and murder of Uriah;them Amnon raped Tamar and Absalom killed Amnon. In the midst of all these brouhaha, were women who were hurt, wounded and treated as second class to the men. Absalom fled for his life leaving his desolate sister behind. Indeed Absalom really loved his sister Tamar and even named his own daughter Tamar “and she became a beautiful woman” (2 Samuel 14:27). The story is far from over. The fire in David’s palace is yet to be quenched. 

One big lesson from this story is from Deuteronomy 32:35: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.” Sometimes, seeking revenge escalates the situation out of proportion.

Tamar: Raped and Hated

Imagine if there was a television station in 1000 BCE about the time of the reign of king David. With all the hullabaloo of the royal house, one news that might potentially cause the first son of the king to lose all access to the throne would be this: “King David’s palace was alerted today of an incident in Amnon’s quarters. Amnon, the son of Ahinoam and the first son of the king cunningly raped Tamar the daughter of the king through his wife Maakah. Tamar is the beautiful sister of the handsome Absalom.” Although there were no televisions in 1000 BCE and maybe an unfortunate incident such as the rape of the king’s daughter might not be announced publicly, it would no doubt affect Amnon’s reputation and Tamar’s self esteem. Amnon’s obsession with his own sister was no good. Even the advisor of Amnon saw that Amnon was looking haggard. Amnon confessed to his shrewd advisor  known as Jonadab that he was in love with Tamar. 

Upon Jonadab’s counsel, Amnon lied to David and had Tamar go to his house and make some bread for him. Tamar did not refuse to help a sick brother. She went and baked the bread as was expected. Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat and rather said  “Send everyone out of here” and so everyone left him (2 Samuel 13:9). Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom (2 Samuel 13:10). Tamar had no slight idea that her brother was up to no good. She innocently followed the instructions of her elder brother without no malice intent. However, when she took the bread to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister” (2 Samuel 13:11). Tamar gave Amnon enough reasons to persuade Amnon from raping her. She said: “No, my brother! Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” (2 Samuel 13:12‭-‬13). 

But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her. (2 Samuel 13:14)

Amnon was bent on evil and without remorse, he went ahead with his evil plans. He refused to listen to the words of counsel from Tamar and since he was stronger than His sister, he raped her (2 Samuel 13:14). What was Tamar’s crime to deserve this shameful treatment? As if that was not enough, Amnon drove her out of his house. After raping her, the infatuation was over. Amnon’s obsession was never out of love. He was just looking for an opportunity to sleep with his sister. The aftermath of the rape was this: Amnon hated Tamar with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!” (2 Samuel 13:15). Which kind of wickedness is this? Even when Tamar begged him not to throw her out, Amnon refused to listen. Amnon called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her” (2 Samuel 13:17). Like how? None of this makes sense. Amnon was a wicked and heartless young man. Imagine him as a king of Israel. Far from it! His actions did not just rid him of his position as the first born, it also made him a “wicked fool” just as Tamar had cautioned. Tamar was disgraced, raped and hated by her own brother. As the cultural sign, “Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing” and “she put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went” (2 Samuel 13:19).

In case you cannot stand the wickedness of Amnon, know that there are hundreds, thousands and even ten thousands of Amnons in the 21st century. These are men who are bent on evil. Some of these Amnons have raped their own wives, raped their children, raped their sisters, raped their friends, raped strangers, raped students etc. Fortunately, some of these Amnons have been arrested and charged for their crimes and yet others are walking about causing more pain and havoc. Amnon’s advisor,  Jonadab is the kind of friend you might want to avoid. The counsel of Jonadab was evil and yet, only Amnon would suffer the consequences of listening to Jonadab. 

Dear sisters, if you have an Amnon in your life that makes life uncomfortable for you, reach out to the appropriate authorities for help. 
Dear brothers, be a keeper of the women around you. Don’t let their kindness become a stepping stone to your evil intent. God will surely punish every evil. 
Dear lawmaker, don’t ignore the pleas of Tamars and don’t free the Amnons. 

Tamar: The beautiful sister of Absalom son of David

The household of king David had different women and this resulted in the birth of different children. As the children of the king, they had preferential treatment and were more respected than their contemporaneous. They would have obviously enjoyed the glamor and the attention. However, the children of David were not without errors. Their stories among many “parenting gone wrong” stories in the Bible presents a caution to parents to be more effective and down to earth. David’s firstborn was Amnon whose mother was Ahinoam of Jezreel (2 Samuel 3:2b). David’s wife Maakah also gave birth to Absalom and his sister Tamar. Therefore, Amnon and Tamar are related. We could certainly say that they are siblings. Therefore no matter how attractive Tamar was, she remained Amnon’s sister.

In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David. (2 Samuel 13:1)

David’s household had recovered from the sin with Bethsheba that led to God’s vengeance on the baby born out of adultery. The family had moved on but the curse of David’s sin still loomed on his family: “Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own” (2 Samuel 12:10). 2 Samuel 13:1 states that “in the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David.” The first red flag mentioned in this verse was that Amnon, son of David, fell in love with Tamar, daughter of David. What exactly made Amnon, David’s firstborn to fall in love with his blood sister? If Amnon had taken his Torah lessons seriously, he should have known that it was highly impossible to be married to his sister. Leviticus 18:11 states that “Do not have sexual relations with the daughter of your father’s wife, born to your father; she is your sister.” The Law forbade such incestuous relationships and no matter how beautiful Tamar was, she would have been good enough for another man other than her brother. 

The desire of Amnon was definitely an obsession which had no good goal. Tamar was indeed beautiful, so was her brother Absalom. In fact 2 Samuel 14:25-26 describes Absalom this way: “In all Israel there was not a man so highly praised for his handsome appearance as Absalom. From the top of his head to the sole of his foot there was no blemish in him. Whenever he cut the hair of his head—he used to cut his hair once a year because it became too heavy for him—he would weigh it, and its weight was two hundred shekels by the royal standard.” If beauty and handsome were personified, definitely Maakah’s children born to king David would have been called Beauty and Handsome. But, no matter how stunning and attractive Tamar was, she was a no goal zone for her brother Amnon. Therefore any feeling of love or infatuation was unnecessary. Amnon could only express sisterly love (philio) towards Tamar and nothing else.

Amnon’s obsession with Tamar caused him to make himself ill (2 Samuel 13:2). Tamar was a virgin and there was nothing Amnon could do to have her. Tamar would have been living her life without the slightest idea that her own brother was getting himself sick with obsession for her. Amnon obsession was a reckless one and it was leading to no good. Tamar was no ordinary lady he could easily convince, she was the daughter of the king and his own sister. Amnon’s erotic desires towards Tamar kept dragging him towards evil. James 1:15 states that “after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” Amnon was threading on a path that was leading to no good. He was on a similar path as his father David when he saw Bethsheba taking her bath.

If we are not careful to control our desires, our own desires will conceive and give birth to sin. Then, the sin will continue the cycle until it is fully grown and gives birth to death. The wages of sin is death. Be on your guard. Not every beauty should be desired!

Tamar: Dealing with disappointment and taking advantage of a loose opportunity

The lives of the women in the Bible present to us diverse issues, trends, decisions and opportunities that caused the lives of these women to be affected either positively or negatively. Real stories from real people help us to see things to avoid, things to do and ultimately be intentional about making the right choices in life. Judah, the son of Jacob had three sons: Er, Onan and Shelah. Er married Tamar “but Er, Judah’s firstborn, was wicked in the Lord’s sight; so the Lord put him to death” (Genesis 38:7). To raise offspring for Er, Judah told Onan to sleep with Tamar. “But Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from providing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the Lord’s sight; so the Lord put him to death also” (Genesis 38:9‭-‬10). Thus Judah lost two sons and Tamar lost two husbands. Their culture permitted Shelah to also marry Tamar but Shelah was young. Therefore “Judah then said to his daughter-in-law Tamar, “Live as a widow in your father’s household until my son Shelah grows up.” For he thought, “He may die too, just like his brothers.” So Tamar went to live in her father’s household” (Genesis 38:11). Tamar must have been a broken widow.  She had seen two husbands die. That experience must have been awful for the young woman. Tamar went to her father’s house as a widow with the anticipation that Shelah will grow and take responsibility over her. Judah was also afraid that his son Shelah might die just like Er and Onan and so when Shelah grew up  Tamar was not given as a wife to him.

When Judah saw her, he thought she was a prostitute, for she had covered her face. Not realizing that she was his daughter-in-law, he went over to her by the roadside and said, “Come now, let me sleep with you.” “And what will you give me to sleep with you?” she asked. (Genesis 38:15‭-‬16)

Tamar, the woman who had suffered loss, was not happy about this and decided to handle the issue her own way. Dressing up as a prostitute, Tamar sat at the entrance of the city to put her plan into action. Judah had also lost his wife and had just recovered from his grief. “When Judah saw her [Tamar], he thought she was a prostitute, for she had covered her face. Not realizing that she was his daughter-in-law, he went over to her by the roadside and said, “Come now, let me sleep with you.” “And what will you give me to sleep with you?” she asked.” (Genesis 38:15‭-‬16). Judah’s urge to sleep with the prostitute caused him to sleep with his own daughter-in-law. Leaving his seal and its cord and his staff with Tamar as the pledge, Judah returned later to pay the prostitute the agreed fee but she was nowhere to be found and neither was she recognized by the people living there. Judah, knowing that he had tried to pay off the prostitute but he couldn’t find her decided to leave the matter. Both Tamar and Judah had loose opportunities: Tamar’s opportunity was a vulnerable father-in-law looking for intimacy and Judah’s opportunity was a widow looking to get the attention of her father-in-law. Both opportunities were not desirable but Tamar was determined and Judah wanted satisfaction. At the end, the deal was done and both left for separate homes. “About three months later Judah was told, “Your daughter-in-law Tamar is guilty of prostitution, and as a result she is now pregnant.” Judah said, “Bring her out and have her burned to death!” (Genesis 38:24).

Tamar was liable to death for her action but Judah the chief culprit was a free man. He condemned Tamar outright without mercy. Tamar should die was Judah’s verdict. But the story doesn’t end there. “As she was being brought out, she sent a message to her father-in-law. “I am pregnant by the man who owns these,” she said. And she added, “See if you recognize whose seal and cord and staff these are.” Judah recognized them and said, “She is more righteous than I, since I wouldn’t give her to my son Shelah.” And he did not sleep with her again.” (Genesis 38:25‭-‬26). Tamar was vindicated but it does not take away the fact that she had an issue with her father-in-law. Both Tamar and Judah might have faced stigmatization for their actions. Why did God even allow such a story to be documented in the Bible? The truth is, God takes the foolish things of the world to confound the wise (1 Corinthians 1:27). Tamar and Judah were all broken and messy but through them God’s eternal plan for salvation continued. Tamar’s pregnancy resulted in the birth of twins, Perez and Zerah. Perez is a great great grandfather of Jesus the Messiah. God’s ultimate plan for humanity was achieved even with broken people. When you come to Christ, your past is not used against you. He weaves His beautiful story of salvation into your own story and the result is a beautiful masterpiece of God’s grace and favour. 

Society might reject you for the way you had lived in the past, but God’s mercy doesn’t condemn. God’s verdict is “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” (Jeremiah 31:3).