Tamar: Revenge and family feud

Our study on Tamar, David’s daughter, is not over. Amnon’s amorous desire and subsequent rape of Tamar didn’t go down well with his father David and his brother Absalom. According to 2 Samuel 13: 21-22, “when King David heard all this, he was furious. And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.” Scripture does not mention the disciplinary measure David took to mitigate the harm done to Tamar. He was just furious but Amnon went free. On the other hand, Absalom, the brother of Tamar, didn’t even say a single word about the incident to Amnon. In his silence, Absalom nurtured hatred for his brother Amnon. Is there something David could have done to alleviate the hurt in this incident? Maybe, he could have had an open discussion with the affected parties to ensure that no one is bitter. Further, Amnon should have been disciplined for his uncouth behavior. David himself was recovering from his own amorous relationship and the consequences of his sins. He might have taken this incident lightly and his lack of proactive measures caused more harm than good. 

Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman. (2 Samuel 13:20)

Tamar was bruised emotionally and physically. She was dishonoured by someone she trusted. In her act of service to her own brother, her innocence was taken away. She was hurt, broken and driven away like an ordinary servant. Until you experience pain and rejection from the people you love, you might not fully understand the pain Tamar had to go through. Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.” (2 Samuel 13:20). Tamar was left broken and wounded, she became desolate in her own father’s house. Amnon’s wickedness didn’t go unnoticed. For two years, Absalom nursed a grudge with his brother and looked for the perfect opportunity to strike. Absalom had every right to be angry but to seek vengeance, was something he was not supposed to do no matter the pain. David might have left a loophole for further confrontation but Absalom should have sought a better redress other than a decision to kill. 

Amnon’s predicament came two years after he had raped his sister. I am sure Amnon would have thought that Absalom had forgotten about the incident. But, Absalom had an evil plan. He invited all his brothers to his sheep-shearing and he ordered his men, “Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon down,’ then kill him. Don’t be afraid. Haven’t I given you this order? Be strong and brave.” So Absalom’s men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the king’s sons got up, mounted their mules and fled.”(2 Samuel 13:28‭-‬29). Absalom killed Amnon for raping his sister Tamar. Absalom had a feud with Amnon because of what he did to Tamar and he sought revenge the wrong way. While David mourned the possibility of the death of his sons, Amnon’s advisor, Jonadab, the same person who proposed the best way to get Tamar came to speak with David. He said, “My Lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead. This has been Absalom’s express intention ever since the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar.” (2 Samuel 13:32). Jonadab knew all this while that Absalom had such intentions and waited for the harm to be done. Friends like Jonadab should be avoided. They will lead you to evil and leave you in it while they escape from the consequences of their evil plans. 

The feud in king David’s palace was made worse. First, David’s own adultery and murder of Uriah;them Amnon raped Tamar and Absalom killed Amnon. In the midst of all these brouhaha, were women who were hurt, wounded and treated as second class to the men. Absalom fled for his life leaving his desolate sister behind. Indeed Absalom really loved his sister Tamar and even named his own daughter Tamar “and she became a beautiful woman” (2 Samuel 14:27). The story is far from over. The fire in David’s palace is yet to be quenched. 

One big lesson from this story is from Deuteronomy 32:35: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.” Sometimes, seeking revenge escalates the situation out of proportion.