Mary: Who are my mother and brothers?

The Son of God came to the earth to seek and save the lost (Luke 19:10). The mission statement of Jesus is clearly portrayed in His approach to ministry. Jesus made use of every opportunity and even created opportunities where there were none. After the pregnancy announcement, the labour and birth event, the visit of the shepherds, the visit of the Magi, the flight to Egypt, the return to Nazareth, the visit to the Temple at age twelve, we seem to have a blank screen until Jesus began his ministry at age thirty. Luke 2:51a-52 states that, after the visit to the temple at age twelve, Mary, Joseph and Jesus went down to Nazareth and Jesus was obedient to his parents. Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man. So for about eighteen years, Jesus learned under his father Joseph to train as a carpenter. Those years would have also been the years of training, equipping, preparation and waiting. Jesus would have listened to many sermons in the temple and even if he opposed the behaviour of the religious people, he waited patiently for his season of manifestation. 

Mary on the other hand would have watched her God-man son grow in wisdom, stature, and in favour. She would have been looking forward to seeing him start his ministry. At the time Jesus began his ministry,  his earthly father Joseph was out of his life. The Bible doesn’t clearly state what happened to Joseph but some historians claim Joseph died before Jesus began his ministry. Mary experienced  her son attracting people of all classes. She saw the sick healed, the death raised to life and the gospel preached. She saw demons flee, critics silenced and unbelieving people turning to God. She also saw her son tired, pressed and working on his mission around the clock. Even though she knew the power and authority Jesus welded, as a mother, she also felt the physical and emotional pain of seeing her son going through all that pressure.  

Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. (Mark 3:31)
While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. (Matthew 12:46)

On one faithful day, Mary and her other sons (Jesus’ brothers) experienced a fully attended ministry of Jesus. Mark 3:20-21 states that Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.” The family did not oppose Jesus’ ministry. Even if some of his brothers believed in Jesus later, they had no doubt that Jesus carried the miraculous. However,  Mary and her sons went to show genuine concern for the health and safety of Jesus. Both Mark and Matthew record this encounter. Matthew states that while Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him (Matthew 12:46). Mark states that Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived and standing outside, they sent someone in to call him (Mark 3:31). This was Jesus’ reply:

He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” (Matthew 12:48‭-‬50)

“Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked. Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.” (Mark 3:33‭-‬35)

Jesus did not reject his family. He gave a profound truth. Although he came through Mary, his family is not just Mary and her descendants. His family is whosoever believes in him. The Apostle Paul explained this truth in Colossians 1:15‭-‬20:

The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

Jesus, the Son of Mary is the firstborn over all creation.  Whoever comes to Christ is a brother and sister of Jesus. Glory be to God!

Rebekah and the stolen blessing

Rebekah and Isaac as we saw earlier, had their favourite sons. Esau was for Isaac and Jacob was for Rebekah. Now, “when Isaac was old and his eyes were so weak that he could no longer see, he called for Esau his older son and said to him, “My son.” “Here I am,” he answered. Isaac said, “I am now an old man and don’t know the day of my death. Now then, get your equipment—your quiver and bow—and go out to the open country to hunt some wild game for me. Prepare me the kind of tasty food I like and bring it to me to eat, so that I may give you my blessing before I die.” (Genesis 27:1‭-‬4). Isaac’s love for Esau was so tied to wild game that before he could give his son his final blessing, Esau had to first hunt for a game and make food for his father. That doesn’t sound like unconditional love. “No meat, no blessings”, kind of love is not the one God has shown to us. And this is where it gets messier. Rebekah loved Jacob and would do anything for him. “Now Rebekah was listening as Isaac spoke to his son Esau. When Esau left for the open country to hunt game and bring it back” (Genesis 27:5). “Will Rebekah pretend she didn’t hear what Isaac said?” You know the answer, right?

Go out to the flock and bring me two choice young goats, so I can prepare some tasty food for your father, just the way he likes it. Then take it to your father to eat, so that he may give you his blessing before he dies.” (Genesis 27:9‭-‬10)

What a bag of mess? The couple’s public display of favouritism was about to generate a family feud. After recalling the instruction Isaac gave to Jacob, “Rebekah said to her son Jacob, “Look, I overheard your father say to your brother Esau…Now, my son, listen carefully and do what I tell you: Go out to the flock and bring me two choice young goats, so I can prepare some tasty food for your father, just the way he likes it. Then take it to your father to eat, so that he may give you his blessing before he dies.” (Genesis 27:6‭, ‬8‭-‬10). Rebekah wanted Jacob to steal the blessing meant for Esau. Although Jacob protested against the idea because of their physical differences, Rebekah had the perfect work plan to disguise Jacob to make him look like Esau. After Rebekah cooked the food just like Isaac loved it, she went ahead to disguise Jacob to look like Esau. The plan worked and Jacob presented the food to his father. Isaac was surprised at the speed of making the food. Since Isaac was blind, he was deceived by the smell of Esau (Jacob was in Esau’s clothes) and the goatskin body of Jacob. The blessing was given to Jacob fullscore. Isaac blessed him from his heart. Afterall, He thought he was blessing Esau, his firstborn and favourite son. Jacob  through the orchestrated effort of Rebekah stole the blessing meant for Esau.

What was Rebekah’s motivation for helping her son to deceive her husband? Was it because of the prophecy given to her that the oldest will serve the youngest? Was it because of her love for Jacob? Ultimately Rebekah was totally wrong for initiating the biggest sibling rivalry. God didn’t seek for her hand to bless Jacob. Her actions had further consequences. “Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. He said to himself, “The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob” (Genesis 27:41). When Rebekah got to know of Esau’s plan, she hitched her plan B. She told Jacob, “Flee at once to my brother Laban in Harran. Stay with him for a while until your brother’s fury subsides. When your brother is no longer angry with you and forgets what you did to him, I’ll send word for you to come back from there. Why should I lose both of you in one day?” (Genesis 27:43‭-‬45). The fact is, Rebekah never saw her loving son again. By the time Jacob returned from his long journey,  Rebekah had already died. The stolen blessing rid her of her beloved son and officially gave Jacob the tag, “the deceiver”. For most part of Jacob’s adult life, he went through a circle of deception, either from him, from the people around him or from his own children. Years later, Esau would forgive Jacob for stealing his blessing but it took them over 20 years to fix the mess caused by Rebekah. 

Rebekah was beautiful, hardworking, strong, resilient, loving but she had her own flaws that generated into a family feud. Whenever we work on ourselves, we should not only be interested in building our strengths. We should find the best ways to overcome our weaknesses. If we overlook our weaknesses, they will move from a tiny serpent to a big dragon dragging us far away from God’s perfect plan for us. Every lie told is a step away from God and a step closer to the devil. Thou shall not lie!

Parenting gone wrong: Rebekah loved Jacob and Isaac loved Esau

One parenting strategy I learned quite early is to love all your children equally irrespective of their skills and attitudes. A public show of affection one child over the other is a recipe for conflict and confusion. No matter how difficult one child is in comparison to the other(s), parents should be intentional about making all the children feel loved. Imagine showing more affection for other children and less affection for some, the result is hatred and mistrust. Every child deserves to be loved and irrespective of their flaws, parents should be intentional about making them feel loved. Afterall, when the parents pass away without intentionally working to bring peace in the family, they leave behind a baggage of mess and brokenness. The children tend to continue the circle of selective love and end up hating each other for no reason. Rebekah and Isaac were culprits of “Parenting gone wrong.” They publicly showed their preference for one child over the other.

Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob. (Genesis 25:28)

Esau and his brother had different personalities. When they grew up, Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the open country, while Jacob was content to stay at home among the tents (Genesis 25:27). The two children had different preferences and this is not new. No two people including twins are ever the same. Now this is where the parents got it wrong: “Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob” (Genesis 25:28). Isaac’s love for Esau was based on his taste for wild game but Rebekah just loved Jacob. Now let’s decipher this deeper looking at the other background variables. First, Esau being the first child legally had the birthright and was the heir to Isaac. Rebekah had been told by God that the younger child would be the head over the elder. Jacob being the youngest was also the “mummy’s boy type” who was content to stay home. Could any of these variables trigger the parents’ love? Although Esau foolishly gave away his birthright for a pot of stew, Isaac still considered him as the firstborn and as such worthy of all the blessings that comes to the firstborn son. 

To add more insult to injury, Rebekah and Isaac had to deal with Esau’s choice of wife and the consequences of it. Remember,  Abraham had gone to his family to get a wife for Isaac but, “when Esau was forty years old, he married Judith daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and also Basemath daughter of Elon the Hittite. They were a source of grief to Isaac and Rebekah” (Genesis 26:34‭-‬35). Esau definitely did not follow the family tradition of choosing a wife and his actions brought grief to his parents. Ultimately, Rebekah had more issues with Esau and considering all the background information, Rebekah was ready to make sure that Esau wouldn’t enjoy the blessings of the firstborn. Does it really matter to show unconditional love to your children irrespective of their flaws? The truth is it really matters. Just as God so loved us with all our flaws and weaknesses, as parents, we need to be intentional about demonstrating love to our children. Esau might have had enough reasons to be the hated one, but he deserved love and affection from his mother. Isaac might love wild game but Jacob needed all the love of his father.

The consequences of these preferences set the stage for a big drama in the future that led the twins to be on loggerheads. Rebekah might have genuinely expressed her feelings based on both interests and prophesy, but the path she took with Isaac (to love one child over the other) is wrong. What if Isaac receives a fake wild game from Jacob who pretends to be Esau? What if Esau decides to stay in the tent and to marry a woman who will please the parents, will Rebekah’s decision to love him less change?
Before you begin a permanent feud among your children through public display of love for one and hatred for another, read the consequences of the actions of Rebekah and Isaac in Genesis 27. We shall look at that in our next post. 
Big tip: Parents should love all their children equally irrespective of their flaws. Never show favouritism and hatred. These two are a recipe for conflict and confusion. 

Teach them to obey

As a child, I felt my parents were asking for too much. Why should I obey them all the time? Could I not have my way? However, as a mum, I keep asking, “Is it too much to obey?”, “Why do you want to have it your way?” I ask these questions because I really want the very best for my children and as such, I have to teach them to obey. When my daughter asks to play with a toy, I allow without reservation. But, should she ever ask to play with the knife, I will disallow without reservation. The fact that we teach our children to stay away from things that could possibly harm them is because we love them and do not want any harm to come to them. Just like adults, obedience does not naturally come to children. They need to be taught obedience and this should be done in love and sincerity. 

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.(Ephesians 6:1)

The Bible admonishes children to obey their parents: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). If we desire to build godly homes, train up our children to  become better adults, instill godly principles in our children, have the Lord as the head of our homes, we must of necessity, teach the children to obey. It is morally wrong to teach your children to obey wrong rules. For example, if a parent is into an evil act such as fraud, and they teach the children to do the same, they continue the circle of wickedness. Remember, that lake of fire was made for the devil and all who practice wickedness and evil (Revelation 20:15). Let us teach them to obey God’s word, understand scriptures and to live godly lives.

When we understand that raising a godly home involves teaching obedience to our children, it will affect our attitudes. Know that even Jesus, our perfect example, was obedient and submitted to the Father. He demonstrated his obedient submission through His lifestyle. Hebrews documents it this way: “During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him and was designated by God to be high priest in the order of Melchizedek.” (Hebrews 5:7‭-‬10)

If Jesus learned obedience, then our children have no excuse. It could be difficult to break the societal perceptions about obedience but if we start them off right, we are assured of a better future for our children. Remember, it is our duty to teach them to obey. Do not leave that responsibility to teachers and society. 

Train up the child

While growing up, there were times I felt my parents were too strict. Why were we not given freedom like other children? Why should we always obey our parents when other children disobey and are not disciplined? I must confess, although the Sunday school teachers reminded us to obey our parents because that pleased the Lord, I appreciate my parents parenting skills better now that I am an adult. I thank God I was trained, disciplined, corrected and directed everyday. As a parent now, I feel the same urge to train my children on the right path so that they can grow up as God-fearing and responsible adults. If we fail to instill godly principles, we give room for the devil to operate in the lives of our children. 

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6 NKJV)

The Bible is very open on training up and bringing up children in the fear of the Lord. The world may present children’s right as a better alternative but the advocacy for children’s right has led many destitute. The rise in the use of harmful drugs, the exposure to weapons, and the public display of sex has been a foundational problem. We are quick to blame authorities for our parental failures but we find it difficult to accept that no teacher, trainer, counselor, nanny etc. can train up our children better than us parents. To build and sustain godly principles in our homes, we should be very intentional in training up our children. Proverbs 22:6 states that: “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it” (NKJV). I remember vividly every instruction I received from my parents. They may not have attained celebrity status or even higher education but their counsel is golden.

When we understand that we are responsible for the godly training and upbringing of our children, we should focus our attention on seeking knowledge that will aid us in training them. The challenges of drug abuse, sex and relationships have become stumbling blocks for both Christian and non-Christian parents. Many parents choose to shy away from engaging in meaningful conversations about these topics. It was strange in our days to hear children talk about relationships and sex. Now, even the kindergarten child is aware of sex and relationships. They have boyfriends,  girlfriends, crushes, have exes etc. This is the reality now. The media has exposed children to so many vices that we as parents need to talk to them about it before they get misinformed by others. Our homes will only be better if we spend time training our children. It may seem like an impossible task but with dedication, persistence, intentionality, perseverance and God’s grace, we will raise up godly and responsible adults.

Finally, let’s continue to pray for the children. As we teach and train them, let us also pray for God’s guidance and protection. May God help us even as we commit to intentional parenting.