Tamar: Raped and Hated

Imagine if there was a television station in 1000 BCE about the time of the reign of king David. With all the hullabaloo of the royal house, one news that might potentially cause the first son of the king to lose all access to the throne would be this: “King David’s palace was alerted today of an incident in Amnon’s quarters. Amnon, the son of Ahinoam and the first son of the king cunningly raped Tamar the daughter of the king through his wife Maakah. Tamar is the beautiful sister of the handsome Absalom.” Although there were no televisions in 1000 BCE and maybe an unfortunate incident such as the rape of the king’s daughter might not be announced publicly, it would no doubt affect Amnon’s reputation and Tamar’s self esteem. Amnon’s obsession with his own sister was no good. Even the advisor of Amnon saw that Amnon was looking haggard. Amnon confessed to his shrewd advisor  known as Jonadab that he was in love with Tamar. 

Upon Jonadab’s counsel, Amnon lied to David and had Tamar go to his house and make some bread for him. Tamar did not refuse to help a sick brother. She went and baked the bread as was expected. Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat and rather said  “Send everyone out of here” and so everyone left him (2 Samuel 13:9). Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom (2 Samuel 13:10). Tamar had no slight idea that her brother was up to no good. She innocently followed the instructions of her elder brother without no malice intent. However, when she took the bread to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister” (2 Samuel 13:11). Tamar gave Amnon enough reasons to persuade Amnon from raping her. She said: “No, my brother! Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” (2 Samuel 13:12‭-‬13). 

But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her. (2 Samuel 13:14)

Amnon was bent on evil and without remorse, he went ahead with his evil plans. He refused to listen to the words of counsel from Tamar and since he was stronger than His sister, he raped her (2 Samuel 13:14). What was Tamar’s crime to deserve this shameful treatment? As if that was not enough, Amnon drove her out of his house. After raping her, the infatuation was over. Amnon’s obsession was never out of love. He was just looking for an opportunity to sleep with his sister. The aftermath of the rape was this: Amnon hated Tamar with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!” (2 Samuel 13:15). Which kind of wickedness is this? Even when Tamar begged him not to throw her out, Amnon refused to listen. Amnon called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her” (2 Samuel 13:17). Like how? None of this makes sense. Amnon was a wicked and heartless young man. Imagine him as a king of Israel. Far from it! His actions did not just rid him of his position as the first born, it also made him a “wicked fool” just as Tamar had cautioned. Tamar was disgraced, raped and hated by her own brother. As the cultural sign, “Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing” and “she put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went” (2 Samuel 13:19).

In case you cannot stand the wickedness of Amnon, know that there are hundreds, thousands and even ten thousands of Amnons in the 21st century. These are men who are bent on evil. Some of these Amnons have raped their own wives, raped their children, raped their sisters, raped their friends, raped strangers, raped students etc. Fortunately, some of these Amnons have been arrested and charged for their crimes and yet others are walking about causing more pain and havoc. Amnon’s advisor,  Jonadab is the kind of friend you might want to avoid. The counsel of Jonadab was evil and yet, only Amnon would suffer the consequences of listening to Jonadab. 

Dear sisters, if you have an Amnon in your life that makes life uncomfortable for you, reach out to the appropriate authorities for help. 
Dear brothers, be a keeper of the women around you. Don’t let their kindness become a stepping stone to your evil intent. God will surely punish every evil. 
Dear lawmaker, don’t ignore the pleas of Tamars and don’t free the Amnons. 

Tamar: The beautiful sister of Absalom son of David

The household of king David had different women and this resulted in the birth of different children. As the children of the king, they had preferential treatment and were more respected than their contemporaneous. They would have obviously enjoyed the glamor and the attention. However, the children of David were not without errors. Their stories among many “parenting gone wrong” stories in the Bible presents a caution to parents to be more effective and down to earth. David’s firstborn was Amnon whose mother was Ahinoam of Jezreel (2 Samuel 3:2b). David’s wife Maakah also gave birth to Absalom and his sister Tamar. Therefore, Amnon and Tamar are related. We could certainly say that they are siblings. Therefore no matter how attractive Tamar was, she remained Amnon’s sister.

In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David. (2 Samuel 13:1)

David’s household had recovered from the sin with Bethsheba that led to God’s vengeance on the baby born out of adultery. The family had moved on but the curse of David’s sin still loomed on his family: “Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own” (2 Samuel 12:10). 2 Samuel 13:1 states that “in the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David.” The first red flag mentioned in this verse was that Amnon, son of David, fell in love with Tamar, daughter of David. What exactly made Amnon, David’s firstborn to fall in love with his blood sister? If Amnon had taken his Torah lessons seriously, he should have known that it was highly impossible to be married to his sister. Leviticus 18:11 states that “Do not have sexual relations with the daughter of your father’s wife, born to your father; she is your sister.” The Law forbade such incestuous relationships and no matter how beautiful Tamar was, she would have been good enough for another man other than her brother. 

The desire of Amnon was definitely an obsession which had no good goal. Tamar was indeed beautiful, so was her brother Absalom. In fact 2 Samuel 14:25-26 describes Absalom this way: “In all Israel there was not a man so highly praised for his handsome appearance as Absalom. From the top of his head to the sole of his foot there was no blemish in him. Whenever he cut the hair of his head—he used to cut his hair once a year because it became too heavy for him—he would weigh it, and its weight was two hundred shekels by the royal standard.” If beauty and handsome were personified, definitely Maakah’s children born to king David would have been called Beauty and Handsome. But, no matter how stunning and attractive Tamar was, she was a no goal zone for her brother Amnon. Therefore any feeling of love or infatuation was unnecessary. Amnon could only express sisterly love (philio) towards Tamar and nothing else.

Amnon’s obsession with Tamar caused him to make himself ill (2 Samuel 13:2). Tamar was a virgin and there was nothing Amnon could do to have her. Tamar would have been living her life without the slightest idea that her own brother was getting himself sick with obsession for her. Amnon obsession was a reckless one and it was leading to no good. Tamar was no ordinary lady he could easily convince, she was the daughter of the king and his own sister. Amnon’s erotic desires towards Tamar kept dragging him towards evil. James 1:15 states that “after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” Amnon was threading on a path that was leading to no good. He was on a similar path as his father David when he saw Bethsheba taking her bath.

If we are not careful to control our desires, our own desires will conceive and give birth to sin. Then, the sin will continue the cycle until it is fully grown and gives birth to death. The wages of sin is death. Be on your guard. Not every beauty should be desired!