Tamar: Revenge and family feud

Our study on Tamar, David’s daughter, is not over. Amnon’s amorous desire and subsequent rape of Tamar didn’t go down well with his father David and his brother Absalom. According to 2 Samuel 13: 21-22, “when King David heard all this, he was furious. And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.” Scripture does not mention the disciplinary measure David took to mitigate the harm done to Tamar. He was just furious but Amnon went free. On the other hand, Absalom, the brother of Tamar, didn’t even say a single word about the incident to Amnon. In his silence, Absalom nurtured hatred for his brother Amnon. Is there something David could have done to alleviate the hurt in this incident? Maybe, he could have had an open discussion with the affected parties to ensure that no one is bitter. Further, Amnon should have been disciplined for his uncouth behavior. David himself was recovering from his own amorous relationship and the consequences of his sins. He might have taken this incident lightly and his lack of proactive measures caused more harm than good. 

Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman. (2 Samuel 13:20)

Tamar was bruised emotionally and physically. She was dishonoured by someone she trusted. In her act of service to her own brother, her innocence was taken away. She was hurt, broken and driven away like an ordinary servant. Until you experience pain and rejection from the people you love, you might not fully understand the pain Tamar had to go through. Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.” (2 Samuel 13:20). Tamar was left broken and wounded, she became desolate in her own father’s house. Amnon’s wickedness didn’t go unnoticed. For two years, Absalom nursed a grudge with his brother and looked for the perfect opportunity to strike. Absalom had every right to be angry but to seek vengeance, was something he was not supposed to do no matter the pain. David might have left a loophole for further confrontation but Absalom should have sought a better redress other than a decision to kill. 

Amnon’s predicament came two years after he had raped his sister. I am sure Amnon would have thought that Absalom had forgotten about the incident. But, Absalom had an evil plan. He invited all his brothers to his sheep-shearing and he ordered his men, “Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon down,’ then kill him. Don’t be afraid. Haven’t I given you this order? Be strong and brave.” So Absalom’s men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the king’s sons got up, mounted their mules and fled.”(2 Samuel 13:28‭-‬29). Absalom killed Amnon for raping his sister Tamar. Absalom had a feud with Amnon because of what he did to Tamar and he sought revenge the wrong way. While David mourned the possibility of the death of his sons, Amnon’s advisor, Jonadab, the same person who proposed the best way to get Tamar came to speak with David. He said, “My Lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead. This has been Absalom’s express intention ever since the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar.” (2 Samuel 13:32). Jonadab knew all this while that Absalom had such intentions and waited for the harm to be done. Friends like Jonadab should be avoided. They will lead you to evil and leave you in it while they escape from the consequences of their evil plans. 

The feud in king David’s palace was made worse. First, David’s own adultery and murder of Uriah;them Amnon raped Tamar and Absalom killed Amnon. In the midst of all these brouhaha, were women who were hurt, wounded and treated as second class to the men. Absalom fled for his life leaving his desolate sister behind. Indeed Absalom really loved his sister Tamar and even named his own daughter Tamar “and she became a beautiful woman” (2 Samuel 14:27). The story is far from over. The fire in David’s palace is yet to be quenched. 

One big lesson from this story is from Deuteronomy 32:35: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.” Sometimes, seeking revenge escalates the situation out of proportion.

Tamar: Raped and Hated

Imagine if there was a television station in 1000 BCE about the time of the reign of king David. With all the hullabaloo of the royal house, one news that might potentially cause the first son of the king to lose all access to the throne would be this: “King David’s palace was alerted today of an incident in Amnon’s quarters. Amnon, the son of Ahinoam and the first son of the king cunningly raped Tamar the daughter of the king through his wife Maakah. Tamar is the beautiful sister of the handsome Absalom.” Although there were no televisions in 1000 BCE and maybe an unfortunate incident such as the rape of the king’s daughter might not be announced publicly, it would no doubt affect Amnon’s reputation and Tamar’s self esteem. Amnon’s obsession with his own sister was no good. Even the advisor of Amnon saw that Amnon was looking haggard. Amnon confessed to his shrewd advisor  known as Jonadab that he was in love with Tamar. 

Upon Jonadab’s counsel, Amnon lied to David and had Tamar go to his house and make some bread for him. Tamar did not refuse to help a sick brother. She went and baked the bread as was expected. Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat and rather said  “Send everyone out of here” and so everyone left him (2 Samuel 13:9). Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom (2 Samuel 13:10). Tamar had no slight idea that her brother was up to no good. She innocently followed the instructions of her elder brother without no malice intent. However, when she took the bread to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister” (2 Samuel 13:11). Tamar gave Amnon enough reasons to persuade Amnon from raping her. She said: “No, my brother! Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” (2 Samuel 13:12‭-‬13). 

But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her. (2 Samuel 13:14)

Amnon was bent on evil and without remorse, he went ahead with his evil plans. He refused to listen to the words of counsel from Tamar and since he was stronger than His sister, he raped her (2 Samuel 13:14). What was Tamar’s crime to deserve this shameful treatment? As if that was not enough, Amnon drove her out of his house. After raping her, the infatuation was over. Amnon’s obsession was never out of love. He was just looking for an opportunity to sleep with his sister. The aftermath of the rape was this: Amnon hated Tamar with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!” (2 Samuel 13:15). Which kind of wickedness is this? Even when Tamar begged him not to throw her out, Amnon refused to listen. Amnon called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her” (2 Samuel 13:17). Like how? None of this makes sense. Amnon was a wicked and heartless young man. Imagine him as a king of Israel. Far from it! His actions did not just rid him of his position as the first born, it also made him a “wicked fool” just as Tamar had cautioned. Tamar was disgraced, raped and hated by her own brother. As the cultural sign, “Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing” and “she put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went” (2 Samuel 13:19).

In case you cannot stand the wickedness of Amnon, know that there are hundreds, thousands and even ten thousands of Amnons in the 21st century. These are men who are bent on evil. Some of these Amnons have raped their own wives, raped their children, raped their sisters, raped their friends, raped strangers, raped students etc. Fortunately, some of these Amnons have been arrested and charged for their crimes and yet others are walking about causing more pain and havoc. Amnon’s advisor,  Jonadab is the kind of friend you might want to avoid. The counsel of Jonadab was evil and yet, only Amnon would suffer the consequences of listening to Jonadab. 

Dear sisters, if you have an Amnon in your life that makes life uncomfortable for you, reach out to the appropriate authorities for help. 
Dear brothers, be a keeper of the women around you. Don’t let their kindness become a stepping stone to your evil intent. God will surely punish every evil. 
Dear lawmaker, don’t ignore the pleas of Tamars and don’t free the Amnons.