Tamar: The beautiful sister of Absalom son of David

The household of king David had different women and this resulted in the birth of different children. As the children of the king, they had preferential treatment and were more respected than their contemporaneous. They would have obviously enjoyed the glamor and the attention. However, the children of David were not without errors. Their stories among many “parenting gone wrong” stories in the Bible presents a caution to parents to be more effective and down to earth. David’s firstborn was Amnon whose mother was Ahinoam of Jezreel (2 Samuel 3:2b). David’s wife Maakah also gave birth to Absalom and his sister Tamar. Therefore, Amnon and Tamar are related. We could certainly say that they are siblings. Therefore no matter how attractive Tamar was, she remained Amnon’s sister.

In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David. (2 Samuel 13:1)

David’s household had recovered from the sin with Bethsheba that led to God’s vengeance on the baby born out of adultery. The family had moved on but the curse of David’s sin still loomed on his family: “Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own” (2 Samuel 12:10). 2 Samuel 13:1 states that “in the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David.” The first red flag mentioned in this verse was that Amnon, son of David, fell in love with Tamar, daughter of David. What exactly made Amnon, David’s firstborn to fall in love with his blood sister? If Amnon had taken his Torah lessons seriously, he should have known that it was highly impossible to be married to his sister. Leviticus 18:11 states that “Do not have sexual relations with the daughter of your father’s wife, born to your father; she is your sister.” The Law forbade such incestuous relationships and no matter how beautiful Tamar was, she would have been good enough for another man other than her brother. 

The desire of Amnon was definitely an obsession which had no good goal. Tamar was indeed beautiful, so was her brother Absalom. In fact 2 Samuel 14:25-26 describes Absalom this way: “In all Israel there was not a man so highly praised for his handsome appearance as Absalom. From the top of his head to the sole of his foot there was no blemish in him. Whenever he cut the hair of his head—he used to cut his hair once a year because it became too heavy for him—he would weigh it, and its weight was two hundred shekels by the royal standard.” If beauty and handsome were personified, definitely Maakah’s children born to king David would have been called Beauty and Handsome. But, no matter how stunning and attractive Tamar was, she was a no goal zone for her brother Amnon. Therefore any feeling of love or infatuation was unnecessary. Amnon could only express sisterly love (philio) towards Tamar and nothing else.

Amnon’s obsession with Tamar caused him to make himself ill (2 Samuel 13:2). Tamar was a virgin and there was nothing Amnon could do to have her. Tamar would have been living her life without the slightest idea that her own brother was getting himself sick with obsession for her. Amnon obsession was a reckless one and it was leading to no good. Tamar was no ordinary lady he could easily convince, she was the daughter of the king and his own sister. Amnon’s erotic desires towards Tamar kept dragging him towards evil. James 1:15 states that “after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” Amnon was threading on a path that was leading to no good. He was on a similar path as his father David when he saw Bethsheba taking her bath.

If we are not careful to control our desires, our own desires will conceive and give birth to sin. Then, the sin will continue the cycle until it is fully grown and gives birth to death. The wages of sin is death. Be on your guard. Not every beauty should be desired!