Foolish Choices and Their Consequences

Not everything we want is needed. If we don’t learn to control our craving, our desire for food, social satisfaction, emotional satisfaction and attention could become the stepping stones to one’s downfall. According to Proverbs‬ 25:28‬, a person without self-control is like a city whose walls are broken through. A city with broken walls is open to everything and everyone including the good, the bad and the ugly. In 2 Samuel 13, Amnon, the son of David, made a foolish decision and executed it because of lack of self-control. He deceitfully raped his own half-sister, Tamar. This foolish act was incubated by those who were hurt and escalated to a bloodshed that caused the house of David to shake.

And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar. (‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭13:22‬)

Tamar, the lady who was raped got home, “her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.‭‭” (2 Samuel‬ ‭13:20‬). On his part, Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar. (‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭13:22‬). In his silence, Absalom plotted and killed Amnon at the least expected time. The following are lessons can we learn from this story:

Control Your Cravings: Amnon’s story serves as a poignant reminder that not everything we desire is a legitimate need. The unbridled craving that fueled his actions led to the reprehensible act of deceiving and raping his half-sister, Tamar. Proverbs‬ 25:28’s imagery of a city with broken walls captures the vulnerability that accompanies uncontrolled desires. Learning to master our cravings is an essential step in safeguarding our well-being and the well-being of those around us.

Don’t Take Wrong Counsel: Amnon took wrong counsel from his adviser. ‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭13:3‭-‬5‬ ‭describes Amnon’s adviser named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. He asked Amnon, “Why do you, the king’s son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won’t you tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” Jonadab’s advice was this, “Go to bed and pretend to be ill.” “When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.’ ” This wicked counsel led to Amnon’s disgraceful act of raping his sister. Upon being violated, Tamar sought solace from her brother Absalom, who, instead of seeking justice from the king or comfort for his sister, advised her to remain silent. The wrong counsel from family and friends can perpetuate cycles of pain and injustice. Wise discernment in choosing our confidants is crucial to navigating the complexities of life, ensuring that our actions are guided by principles of justice and righteousness.

Take Action Quickly: In the aftermath of Amnon’s heinous act, the narrative in 2 Samuel 13 raises questions about David’s response. Did he take swift action to address the situation? Amnon’s unchecked actions threatened to destabilize the family, highlighting the urgency for intervention. Timely and decisive action can prevent the escalation of conflicts and mitigate the potential for irreversible consequences.

Make Peace Immediately: The repercussions of Amnon’s rape of Tamar had far-reaching effects, casting a shadow over the House of David. Making peace in the face of conflict becomes imperative to prevent the festering of wounds. Immediate intervention and reconciliation efforts can help mend the broken bonds within families and communities, averting further pain and discord.

Don’t Pay Evil with Evil: As the story unfolds, Absalom’s response to Amnon’s disgraceful act is a study in silence and simmering hatred. While Absalom refrained from repaying evil with evil immediately, his silent plotting would eventually lead to tragic consequences, the death of Amnon and the eventual fleeing of Absalom. The biblical principle of not paying evil with evil (Romans 12:17) underscores the importance of seeking justice through righteous means rather than succumbing to a cycle of revenge.

The consequences of Amnon’s rape of Tamar reverberated through the House of David. Tamar, desolate and broken, lived in the house of her brother Absalom. Absalom’s silent hatred for Amnon culminated in a vengeful act, as he plotted and eventually killed his brother. The House of David, once a symbol of strength and unity, now bore the scars of one man’s lack of self-control. The tragic story of Amnon’s foolish choices serves as a cautionary narrative about the destructive potential of unchecked desires and the far-reaching consequences of such actions. In navigating the complexities of human relationships, it is imperative to exercise self-control, seek wise counsel, take swift and just action, prioritize reconciliation, and adhere to the biblical principle of not repaying evil with evil. Amnon’s story reminds us of the profound impact one person’s lack of restraint can have on the lives of many, emphasizing the need for wisdom, discernment, and a commitment to justice and righteousness.

Tamar: Raped and Hated

Imagine if there was a television station in 1000 BCE about the time of the reign of king David. With all the hullabaloo of the royal house, one news that might potentially cause the first son of the king to lose all access to the throne would be this: “King David’s palace was alerted today of an incident in Amnon’s quarters. Amnon, the son of Ahinoam and the first son of the king cunningly raped Tamar the daughter of the king through his wife Maakah. Tamar is the beautiful sister of the handsome Absalom.” Although there were no televisions in 1000 BCE and maybe an unfortunate incident such as the rape of the king’s daughter might not be announced publicly, it would no doubt affect Amnon’s reputation and Tamar’s self esteem. Amnon’s obsession with his own sister was no good. Even the advisor of Amnon saw that Amnon was looking haggard. Amnon confessed to his shrewd advisor  known as Jonadab that he was in love with Tamar. 

Upon Jonadab’s counsel, Amnon lied to David and had Tamar go to his house and make some bread for him. Tamar did not refuse to help a sick brother. She went and baked the bread as was expected. Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat and rather said  “Send everyone out of here” and so everyone left him (2 Samuel 13:9). Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom (2 Samuel 13:10). Tamar had no slight idea that her brother was up to no good. She innocently followed the instructions of her elder brother without no malice intent. However, when she took the bread to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister” (2 Samuel 13:11). Tamar gave Amnon enough reasons to persuade Amnon from raping her. She said: “No, my brother! Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” (2 Samuel 13:12‭-‬13). 

But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her. (2 Samuel 13:14)

Amnon was bent on evil and without remorse, he went ahead with his evil plans. He refused to listen to the words of counsel from Tamar and since he was stronger than His sister, he raped her (2 Samuel 13:14). What was Tamar’s crime to deserve this shameful treatment? As if that was not enough, Amnon drove her out of his house. After raping her, the infatuation was over. Amnon’s obsession was never out of love. He was just looking for an opportunity to sleep with his sister. The aftermath of the rape was this: Amnon hated Tamar with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!” (2 Samuel 13:15). Which kind of wickedness is this? Even when Tamar begged him not to throw her out, Amnon refused to listen. Amnon called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her” (2 Samuel 13:17). Like how? None of this makes sense. Amnon was a wicked and heartless young man. Imagine him as a king of Israel. Far from it! His actions did not just rid him of his position as the first born, it also made him a “wicked fool” just as Tamar had cautioned. Tamar was disgraced, raped and hated by her own brother. As the cultural sign, “Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing” and “she put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went” (2 Samuel 13:19).

In case you cannot stand the wickedness of Amnon, know that there are hundreds, thousands and even ten thousands of Amnons in the 21st century. These are men who are bent on evil. Some of these Amnons have raped their own wives, raped their children, raped their sisters, raped their friends, raped strangers, raped students etc. Fortunately, some of these Amnons have been arrested and charged for their crimes and yet others are walking about causing more pain and havoc. Amnon’s advisor,  Jonadab is the kind of friend you might want to avoid. The counsel of Jonadab was evil and yet, only Amnon would suffer the consequences of listening to Jonadab. 

Dear sisters, if you have an Amnon in your life that makes life uncomfortable for you, reach out to the appropriate authorities for help. 
Dear brothers, be a keeper of the women around you. Don’t let their kindness become a stepping stone to your evil intent. God will surely punish every evil. 
Dear lawmaker, don’t ignore the pleas of Tamars and don’t free the Amnons. 

Abigail’s quick response to a harsh reply

Our attitude towards people can make or unmake us. How we react to situations generally arises from our character and demeanor. In the previous post on Abigail, we saw how Nabal, Abigail’s husband, reacted to the request from David. Nabal’s harsh response was like brewing a wine in a small pot. Nabal didn’t consider the magnitude of his wicked reply. He continued his sheep shearing without the slightest remorse. Afterall, He owned the sheep, not David. How could Nabal not have anticipated that David and his men would come after him? Was Nabal really unaware of the exploits of David? Even the servants of Nabal were scared because of what Nabal did. They knew the gravity of his wickedness and the potential effect it would have on them. One of the servants told Abigail, Nabal’s wife, “David sent messengers from the wilderness to give our master his greetings, but he hurled insults at them. Yet these men were very good to us. They did not mistreat us, and the whole time we were out in the fields near them nothing was missing. Night and day they were a wall around us the whole time we were herding our sheep near them. Now think it over and see what you can do, because disaster is hanging over our master and his whole household. He is such a wicked man that no one can talk to him.” (1 Samuel 25:14‭-‬17).

Abigail acted quickly. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grain, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys. (1 Samuel 25:18)

Abigail’s quick response to this response is what made all the difference. Instead of rushing to Nabal and confronting him of his wickedness and the potential result of his action, Abigail rather took the matter in her own hands. She considered how quickly David and his men might come after them and how quickly she would be able to mitigate the impact of her husband’s harshness. “Abigail acted quickly. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grain, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys. Then she told her servants, “Go on ahead; I’ll follow you.” But she did not tell her husband Nabal.” (1 Samuel 25:18‭-‬19). Abigail’s response is worth emulating. First, she understood that the gravity of Nabal’s error wouldn’t be fixed with an immediate confrontation. Second,she knew that to appease David and his men, she should provide something relevant to the first request from David. Abigail packaged enough food. Thirdly, Abigail knew that the earlier she reached David the better and so sent her servants ahead. Lastly, Abigail did not inform Nabal that she was on her way to meet David to fix Nabal’s wickedness. We know that Nabal would have probably refused that.

No wonder Abigail is a depiction of beauty with brains. She might have married a fool but she was wise. She was not just beautiful in physical appearance, but she had a beautiful heart. Abigail was a quick thinker, she was tact and fast. She knew that reacting to a foolish reply with a harsh reply would just escalate the situation but not resolve it. “As she came riding her donkey into a mountain ravine, there were David and his men descending toward her, and she met them. David had just said, “It’s been useless—all my watching over this fellow’s property in the wilderness so that nothing of his was missing. He has paid me back evil for good. May God deal with David, be it ever so severely, if by morning I leave alive one male of all who belong to him!” (1 Samuel 25:20‭-‬22). David was on his way to destroy Nabal and his entire household. 

Abigail’s extemporaneous speech to David (1 Samuel 25:23‭-‬31c) calmed the raging waters: “When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed down before David with her face to the ground. She fell at his feet and said: “Pardon your servant, my Lord, and let me speak to you; hear what your servant has to say. Please pay no attention, my Lord, to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name—his name means Fool, and folly goes with him. And as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my Lord sent. And now, my Lord, as surely as the Lord your God lives and as you live, since the Lord has kept you from bloodshed and from avenging yourself with your own hands, may your enemies and all who are intent on harming my Lord be like Nabal. And let this gift, which your servant has brought to my Lord, be given to the men who follow you. “Please forgive your servant’s presumption. The Lord your God will certainly make a lasting dynasty for my Lord, because you fight the Lord’s battles, and no wrongdoing will be found in you as long as you live. Even though someone is pursuing you to take your life, the life of my Lord will be bound securely in the bundle of the living by the Lord your God, but the lives of your enemies he will hurl away as from the pocket of a sling. When the Lord has fulfilled for my Lord every good thing he promised concerning him and has appointed him ruler over Israel, my Lord will not have on his conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself. And when the Lord your God has brought my Lord success, remember your servant.”

Abigail did not just apologize to David, she also reminded David of the Lord’s promises towards him to make David the king of Israel. Abigail reminded David that the Lord will hurl away all the enemies of David and therefore there was no need for David to avenge himself. Further, Abigail asks David to remember her when he becomes successful. Abigail would have been a perfect deal maker. She knew the right buttons to touch to mellow the giant slayer mellow. She did not just fix the situation, she also requested for a possible future remembrance. No wonder, David knew exactly what to do when the right time came. 

May we have the attitude of Abigail. May our beauty be complemented with good character and knowledge. The attitude of Abigail does not just soothe an angry giant slayer, it takes the wife of a fool into the palace of a king. Be mindful, be tactful, be loving, be a peacemaker, be willing to be low and be ready to meet the high and mighty. Be the soothing balm of a giant slayer and you shall be celebrated in high places.

Abigail: Beauty and the beast

A few years ago, when I was getting ready for marriage, one of the things I prayerfully considered was a wise husband. For me, spirituality without wisdom was tantamount to nothing. If we fail to consider the nature and character of our partners before we marry, a beautiful woman would be in a holy wedlock with a sentimental fool. So many beautiful and God-fearing people have married spouses who turned out to be something else. Some beautiful women have married beasts who turned the women into punching bags. Some hard working men have married extremely lazy and contemptuous women. Whereas going into such marriages seems easier, coming out is the most difficult experience. As our faith does not support divorce, make sure you choose your partner with all wisdom and understanding.  Love has eyes, it is never blind.

The man’s name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail; she was a woman of good understanding, and beautiful. But the man was rough and evil in his doings; he was a Calebite. (1 Samuel 25:3 AMPC)

As we continue our series on women in the Bible, let’s stop at Carmel. We would visit the house of Nabal and Abigail. Our focus would be on Abigail, the wife of Nabal. Their story also intertwines with the story of David. This is how the Bible introduced Nabal and Abigail: “There was a certain man in Maon who carried on his business in the region of Carmel. He was very prosperous—three thousand sheep and a thousand goats, and it was sheep-shearing time in Carmel. The man’s name was Nabal (Fool), a Calebite, and his wife’s name was Abigail. The woman was intelligent and good-looking, the man brutish and mean.” (1 Samuel 25:2‭-‬3 MSG). Before the reader is exposed to what really happened, the stage was set. Abigail was intelligent and beautiful but Nabal was brute and mean. In other words, Abigail and Nabal were like beauty and the beast. How did two different people manage to live under the same roof? Now, see what happened: 

“While David was in the wilderness, he heard that Nabal was shearing sheep. So he sent ten young men and said to them, “Go up to Nabal at Carmel and greet him in my name. Say to him: ‘Long life to you! Good health to you and your household! And good health to all that is yours! “ ‘Now I hear that it is sheep-shearing time. When your shepherds were with us, we did not mistreat them, and the whole time they were at Carmel nothing of theirs was missing. Ask your own servants and they will tell you. Therefore be favorable toward my men, since we come at a festive time. Please give your servants and your son David whatever you can find for them.’ ” (1 Samuel 25:4‭-‬8). Nabal’s reply was, “Who is this David? Who is this son of Jesse? Many servants are breaking away from their masters these days. Why should I take my bread and water, and the meat I have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it to men coming from who knows where?” (1 Samuel 25:10‭-‬11). Was this reply intentional? Didn’t Nabal know who David was? Was Nabal just being harsh and mean? Whatever Nabal’s intention was, it really triggered David to retaliate. 

In case Nabal just wanted to be mean to David, he should have known that his response could potentially cause David the giant slayer to attack him and his household. Nabal’s harsh reply put all he had in potential threat. What was he thinking? A giant slayer with over 600 men who had helped Nabal’s shepherds made a request, and the response even surprised Nabal’s own shepherds. No wonder Proverbs admonishes us to get wisdom: “Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or turn away from them. Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Cherish her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you. She will give you a garland to grace your head and present you with a glorious crown.” (Proverbs 4:5‭-‬9)

Abigail might have had to daily deal with the excesses of Nabal. If she failed to correct his errors, even her own life was in danger. Imagine if Nabal had married a woman who was not as wise as Abigail. The result would have been worse. We shall continue to look at Abigail’s reaction to this situation in our next post.

Many marriages have spouses with attitudes such as Nabal. In such unions, the other spouses would have to daily repair and restore relationships and friendships, build trust and apologize to as many people who experience the brutality of their spouses. If you are married to anyone who has the character of Nabal, I pray for God’s wisdom to navigate through. If you are yet to marry, make sure not to overlook any red flags along the way. If beauty marries the beast in real life (not in Disney movies), beauty either changes to a beast or gets consumed by the beast. Before you tie the knot, look around, look ahead, and look up…don’t miss any signal. In real life, the beast doesn’t turn into a prince charming by the deactivating tears of a beautiful princess. For a real life beauty to tame a beast, it takes lots of work, prayers, fasting and potential bruises from the beast. Your body might be bruised and your emotions might be hurt as well.

The wise woman builds her house

Have you seen a family breakdown caused by the fact that both the husband and wife were busily minding their businesses and neither of them cared for the well-being of the home? Career progress, success routes, money, fame, maintaining a very good public image and a consciousness to be better than your partner can impede the family system. It is good to have it all, but our quest to be the best among the rest should not sacrifice the home. The reason divorce tends to be more among working-class couples is the fact that commitment to the home is lesser than commitment to career. Going for soccer practice with children seems less important as compared to attending a business meeting. Until couples make their home a priority, the statistics on divorce are likely to keep rising. 

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. (Proverbs 14:1)

The woman is predisposed to better home management based on the things we value. Certainly, every good and godly man is a man builder as well. Proverbs 14:1 highlights the fact that through careful handling, the wise woman is able to build her house. This literally means the woman improves and makes the family better. The due diligence taken to ensure that the home is the best place for everyone is compared to “building” a structure. Every building requires planning, a good foundation and strong pillars to make it stand. The average woman is good at multitasking: can handle different activities at the same time without losing sight of the other etc. This potential makes the woman more comfortable to combine a full-time job with full-time home management. 

According to the Keil and Delitzsch Biblical Commentary on Proverbs 14:1, “the oneness of the house is more dependent on the mother than on the father. A wise mother can, if her husband be dead or neglectful of his duty, always keep the house together.” The wise woman ensures that her household is kept together and takes due diligence to ensure a smooth run of the home. On the other hand, an inconsiderate woman, referred to as the “foolish one” in Proverbs 14:1 tears her own house down by her hands. Through idleness, laziness, unnecessary friendships and baseless conversations, lavish lifestyle without contributing economically to it, unnecessary pressure to be like others, a woman is more likely to destroy her home rather than build it. 

As we saw in our previous blog, God is the builder of everything: For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything” (Hebrews 3:4). He has placed us as stewards to manage the families and the homes we have. We all have our responsibilities to keep to ensure that we raise godly offspring for the Lord. Be intentional about investing in physical things and spiritual things (family devotions, prayers, Bible studies etc.) to raise a God-fearing home that is built on godly principles.