Rachel and Leah: God joined the drama

Jacob’s decision to marry two sisters didn’t come without concerns. First, Rachel was the most loved wife and Leah wasn’t loved. Jacob repeated the mistake of his parents: favouritism. Jacob should have been more knowledgeable about the effects of favouritism and the consequences it brings. However, he was in love with Rachel but Leah was just “a mistake of a wife.” Imagine the joy in Rachel’s heart and the bitterness in Leah’s heart. It was a public display of favouritism and God was not pleased at all. If rivalry between two strange women can be sore, rivalry between two sisters who both feel cheated by their father is worse. Romans 2:11 states that, “God does not show favoritism” and James 2:9 also quotes that, “if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers.” Therefore, Jacob was not obeying God by favouring Rachel over Leah. Therefore God Himself joined the drama. 

When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless. (Genesis 29:31)

Remember, the biggest concerns of Jacob’s family had been childbirth. Sarah and Rebekah faced the issue of childlessness for years. When God stepped into the situation,  this is what happened: “When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless” (Genesis 29:31). God opened the door of childbirth for Leah. She escaped the familiar trend of childlessness but for Rachel, she remained childless. When you are loved by man, they do their best to make you happy, but when you are loved by God, He gives you the best of the land. Rachel had Jacob but was childless, Leah had God and she had it all. In a few years, Leah’s family grew bigger and Rachel remained the same. “Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now. She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.” So she named him Simeon. Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” So he was named Levi. She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “This time I will praise the Lord.” So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children.” (Genesis 29:32‭-‬35).

Leah’s naming patterns remind me of traditional African communities where names are based on situations. Leah was obsessed with getting her husband’s attention that she missed God’s providence in her life. She kept naming her sons after her emotions. When she finally had the fourth son, Leah changed the naming pattern. She said “This time I will praise the Lord” and the child was named Judah. Indeed God deserved all her praise. While Leah escaped from the generational issue of barreness because God showed her mercy, Rachel lived in bitterness. She became envious of her sister and she kept nagging Jacob for a child. “When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!” Jacob became angry with her and said, “Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?” (Genesis 30:1‭-‬2). The drama in Jacob’s house was not pleasant and Jacob might have felt the heat of pain and bitterness. He had to live with it. The decision to marry two sisters and  the desire to show favouritism contributed to the heat in his home. 

If Jacob was pressed, imagine Rachel and Leah. The sisters might have been on serious loggerheads and daily, each would have tried to be the best. Rachel was loved but had no children, Leah wasn’t loved but had enough children. What is the next move of this broken family? Will God leave the drama? 
If there is any lesson to learn today, bear in mind that God does not show favoritism (Romans 2:11) and, if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers (James 2:9).

Parenting gone wrong: Rebekah loved Jacob and Isaac loved Esau

One parenting strategy I learned quite early is to love all your children equally irrespective of their skills and attitudes. A public show of affection one child over the other is a recipe for conflict and confusion. No matter how difficult one child is in comparison to the other(s), parents should be intentional about making all the children feel loved. Imagine showing more affection for other children and less affection for some, the result is hatred and mistrust. Every child deserves to be loved and irrespective of their flaws, parents should be intentional about making them feel loved. Afterall, when the parents pass away without intentionally working to bring peace in the family, they leave behind a baggage of mess and brokenness. The children tend to continue the circle of selective love and end up hating each other for no reason. Rebekah and Isaac were culprits of “Parenting gone wrong.” They publicly showed their preference for one child over the other.

Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob. (Genesis 25:28)

Esau and his brother had different personalities. When they grew up, Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the open country, while Jacob was content to stay at home among the tents (Genesis 25:27). The two children had different preferences and this is not new. No two people including twins are ever the same. Now this is where the parents got it wrong: “Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob” (Genesis 25:28). Isaac’s love for Esau was based on his taste for wild game but Rebekah just loved Jacob. Now let’s decipher this deeper looking at the other background variables. First, Esau being the first child legally had the birthright and was the heir to Isaac. Rebekah had been told by God that the younger child would be the head over the elder. Jacob being the youngest was also the “mummy’s boy type” who was content to stay home. Could any of these variables trigger the parents’ love? Although Esau foolishly gave away his birthright for a pot of stew, Isaac still considered him as the firstborn and as such worthy of all the blessings that comes to the firstborn son. 

To add more insult to injury, Rebekah and Isaac had to deal with Esau’s choice of wife and the consequences of it. Remember,  Abraham had gone to his family to get a wife for Isaac but, “when Esau was forty years old, he married Judith daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and also Basemath daughter of Elon the Hittite. They were a source of grief to Isaac and Rebekah” (Genesis 26:34‭-‬35). Esau definitely did not follow the family tradition of choosing a wife and his actions brought grief to his parents. Ultimately, Rebekah had more issues with Esau and considering all the background information, Rebekah was ready to make sure that Esau wouldn’t enjoy the blessings of the firstborn. Does it really matter to show unconditional love to your children irrespective of their flaws? The truth is it really matters. Just as God so loved us with all our flaws and weaknesses, as parents, we need to be intentional about demonstrating love to our children. Esau might have had enough reasons to be the hated one, but he deserved love and affection from his mother. Isaac might love wild game but Jacob needed all the love of his father.

The consequences of these preferences set the stage for a big drama in the future that led the twins to be on loggerheads. Rebekah might have genuinely expressed her feelings based on both interests and prophesy, but the path she took with Isaac (to love one child over the other) is wrong. What if Isaac receives a fake wild game from Jacob who pretends to be Esau? What if Esau decides to stay in the tent and to marry a woman who will please the parents, will Rebekah’s decision to love him less change?
Before you begin a permanent feud among your children through public display of love for one and hatred for another, read the consequences of the actions of Rebekah and Isaac in Genesis 27. We shall look at that in our next post. 
Big tip: Parents should love all their children equally irrespective of their flaws. Never show favouritism and hatred. These two are a recipe for conflict and confusion.