The letter to Titus (Part 13)

Dealing with a divisive person can be quite a hurdle. Such people are usually bent on causing confusion wherever they go. They spread rumors, gossip and orchestrate stories that spike up arguments and strife. When a divisive person meets person A, they have a different story to share. Similarly, whatever person A says can be distorted in a reported speech to persons B and C. As the circle goes on, a divisive person succeeds in creating enmity and strife among friends and family. Although it might sometimes be easy to identify a divisive person, it is not always the case. Be on the lookout so you do not become a prey to their tactics. Christians have been called as peacemakers on earth. Never kowtow to any act that leads to division and confusion.

Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them.  You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned. (‭Titus 3:10-11)

As Paul was about to conclude his apostolic letter to Titus, he made a very profound statement: “Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them.  You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned.” (‭Titus 3:10-11). Paul understood that in the church could be men and women with the ultimate goal to cause conflict and division within the body of Christ. Paul’s advice to Titus was that such persons should be warned at least twice and if they fail to listen, Titus should have nothing to do with them. In other words, Titus shouldn’t patronize divisive people if they fail to change their ways. The church stands the risk of being despised by the world if we are riddled with division and confusion.

As Paul advised Titus to stay away from divisive people, so must we purpose to be agents of peace. We should learn how to avoid conflict and division in the house of God. As an agent of transformation, the church should be a place where lives are transformed by the word of God. As we are transformed and renewed, we should also be intentional to avoid instances that cause division in order to avoid self-condemnation. The church of God is a place where broken lives are mended. Believers have the mandate to share God’s love with a broken society.  Let’s consider ways we can become agents of peace.

Michal: Given to another

Marriage is beautiful but it is not a bed of roses. You will not always have butterflies in your stomach. You would have to be intentional about making your marriage work. Couples need to have a realistic plan and with God on your side, even if there are unfavourable times, you would still sail through. In God’s original plan, a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). This is the leaving and cleaving part of marriage. Whenever married couples are manipulated and controlled by parents, we lose the value of leaving and cleaving. We don’t abandon our parents after marriage, we should set barriers as to how far they can be involved in our marital homes. If you require your parent’s permission before taking important decisions with your spouse, you have not fully become one flesh with your spouse. You need godly and sound advice from your parents but ultimately, you make your own decisions with your spouse. What if a parent decides to rip the marital home  of the child apart? What if a parent is an authority that is feared and tries to wrongfully use that authority to mess up the marriage?

The fear of many young men from continents such as Africa and Asia is marrying into extremely rich and powerful homes. Even if the men have done well for themselves, they fear being manipulated by their in-laws. David married a princess of Israel. He knew the implications of marrying a princess of Israel. When Saul made the proposal that David marry his daughter, “David said to Saul, “Who am I, and what is my family or my clan in Israel, that I should become the king’s son-in-law?” (1 Samuel 18:18). When Saul’s attendants told David that the king likes David and that David should marry the king’s daughter, David said, “Do you think it is a small matter to become the king’s son-in-law? I’m only a poor man and little known” (1 Samuel 18:23). David was right at that time, it was not an easy thing to marry the daughter of king Saul. Michal, David’s wife, loved David by all standards but her love was not enough to save her marriage. King Saul hated David and would not rest until he drove David away from the palace to the wilderness. 

But Saul had given his daughter Michal, David’s wife, to Paltiel son of Laish, who was from Gallim. (1 Samuel 25:44)

Michal’s marriage didn’t last because of family intrusion. Her own father messed up her marriage. His strong passion to kill David caused a split between the couple. Michal’s dream of spending her lifetime with David was stalled. She had no option at that time because her father was so powerful and she was powerless. Even her brother Jonathan, who supported David, had to tell David to run for his life. Saul was bent on evil. Did Saul ever realize the harm he might have inflicted to Michal and David because of his wickedness? Maybe he didn’t care about their happiness. All that Saul wanted was power and authority. He felt the presence of David was an indication that his kingdom would be taken from him and given to David. On the faithful day that Saul sent men to kill David, Michal let David down through a window, and he fled and escaped (1 Samuel 19:12). David roamed about for a long time as Saul kept hunting for him. Michal was given to another man. In 1 Samuel 25:44, Saul gives his daughter Michal, David’s wife, to Paltiel, son of Laish, who was from Gallim. 

The height of Saul’s intrusive behaviour was taking Michal and giving her to another man. Michal’s marriage to David is broken by Saul. He brings in another man to occupy the position of David. Will David let Michal go? Will Michal ever return to David? The Bible has answers to all these questions. We shall continue this story in our next post.

If you are in a position of power, don’t be manipulative like Saul. Allow the people around you to enjoy their marriages. If you are currently experiencing what Michal and David went through, I pray that God comes through for you. If you are at a standstill and want to know if a relationship with a person from a powerful background is worth it, do you check but most importantly, commit it to God and wait for Him to guide you. If you see potential marks or red flags along the way, don’t ignore them. It better to marry from a humble home and grow your marriage to a world-class model marriage than to marry from the crème de la crème and become a nobody in your own marriage. 

Rachel and Leah: Rueben’s mandrakes

The house of Jacob was a tension house. Imagine the drama between Rachel camp and Leah’s camp, the rivalry,  the envy, the competition and possibly the desire to get Jacob’s attention. I am not sure how Jacob managed to get his head together in such a toxic environment but definitely, Jacob was not the happiest man in the world. Rachel and Leah’s daily lives would have been full of quarreling, arguments and bitter feelings. This was the state of Jacob’s family. For God to still use such a broken family for His own glory is a reminder that no one is too broken or too bad for God to use. Jacob continued to work for his father-in-law while his wives took care of the home. One day, Rueben, Leah’s first born son went to the fields “and found some mandrake plants, which he brought to his mother Leah. Rachel said to Leah, “Please give me some of your son’s mandrakes.” But she said to her, “Wasn’t it enough that you took away my husband? Will you take my son’s mandrakes too?” “Very well,” Rachel said, “he can sleep with you tonight in return for your son’s mandrakes.” (Genesis 30:14‭-‬15)

So when Jacob came in from the fields that evening, Leah went out to meet him. “You must sleep with me,” she said. “I have hired you with my son’s mandrakes.” So he slept with her that night. (Genesis 30:16)

What are the mandrakes used for and why did Rachel pay for the mandrakes with “a night with Jacob?” In the ancient world, mandrakes were used for different purposes including  enhancing romance and for fertility.  Therefore, Rachel’s request for the mandrakes seem to be appropriate since she was battling with childbearing issues. Leah also needed the mandrakes because after her fourth son, she ceased childbearing. However, since Jacob favoured Rachel over Leah, the payment for the mandrakes was a night with Jacob. Far away on the fields,  Jacob did not know of the transaction between Rachel and Leah. There was no cell phone to communicate this to Jacob. “So when Jacob came in from the fields that evening, Leah went out to meet him. “You must sleep with me,” she said. “I have hired you with my son’s mandrakes.” So he slept with her that night” (Genesis 30:16). Jacob had no choice, he might have had another plan for the evening but he was obliged to sleep with Leah. He had no choice in this transaction but he was the price for mandrakes. Imagine the joy in Leah’s heart and the pressure on Jacob to pay for Rachel’s mandrakes. Jacob’s family could have easily passed for a popular drama series. The plots of their lives were so complicated and viewers will be glued to know what next. Rueben’s mandrakes became Leah’s opportunity to sleep with Jacob and this is what happened:

“God listened to Leah, and she became pregnant and bore Jacob a fifth son. Then Leah said, “God has rewarded me for giving my servant to my husband.” So she named him Issachar. Leah conceived again and bore Jacob a sixth son. Then Leah said, “God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons.” So she named him Zebulun. Some time later she gave birth to a daughter and named her Dinah.(Genesis 30:17‭-‬21). Rachel was the one looking for the potency of the mandrakes but Leah who exchanged the mandrakes for Jacob had more babies. Did Leah pray to God? Why did vrs.17 begin with “God listened?” The one night with Jacob resulted in a son (Issachar) and later Leah had another son (Zebulun) and then a daughter (Dinah). All these while, Rachel remained childless except the two sons of her servant. Whenever I read these verses,  I am thrilled, God indeed has a good sense of humour. Why would Rachel receive all the love yet remain childless and Leah the unloved one receive all the babies? From another viewpoint, we see that both Rachel and Leah showed trust in the potency of the mandrakes to make one fertile. However, the Rachel who got the fertility plant did not even have a child, but Leah did.

As we study the lives of Rachel and Leah, we are reminded to put our trust in God and to look up to Him for our desires. We are also reminded that no matter our past story, God can still do something with us. Mandrakes are good but ultimately, God is the giver of the desires of our hearts. We should therefore take our attention from “the potency of mandrakes” and rather focus on “the power of God.” Is there anything too hard for the Lord? (Genesis 18:14; Jeremiah 32:17; Luke 18:27).

Rachel and Leah: Bilhah and Zilpah joined the family drama

As a woman, I understand that we are very delicate and any home that considers the desires of the wife will thrive. In other words, when the wife is happy and satisfied, the home runs smoothly. However, as humans, we do not really need all that we want. Therefore a really happy wife means a lot of excesses that possibly the man doesn’t need will have to be accommodated. It is important for a woman to sieve her desires and cravings because not everything we wish to have are really necessary. If handling one wife comes with handling lots of excesses, imagine a polygamous home where the husband is committed to making all his wives happy and content. Rachel and Leah both had their issues and both felt the need to be satisfied accordingly. Jacob, the man at the center of all this drama had to deal with each wife and their requests. As the story of Rachel and Leah progressed,  we have seen that Rachel’s deepest longing is to have a child and Leah’s desire is to be loved by her husband. How can Jacob satisfy both? Let’s go back to the Bible and continue from there.

Then she said, “Here is Bilhah, my servant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and I too can build a family through her.” When Leah saw that she had stopped having children, she took her servant Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife. (Genesis 30:3‭, ‬9)

Rachel was desperate to have a child and like Sarah, her grandmother-in-law, she decided to give her servant to her husband. Rachel said to Jacob, “Here is Bilhah, my servant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and I too can build a family through her.” So she gave him her servant Bilhah as a wife. Jacob slept with her, and she became pregnant and bore him a son. Then Rachel said, “God has vindicated me; he has listened to my plea and given me a son.” Because of this she named him Dan. Rachel’s servant Bilhah conceived again and bore Jacob a second son. Then Rachel said, “I have had a great struggle with my sister, and I have won.” So she named him Naphtali.” (Genesis 30:3‭-‬8). This did not go well with Leah. “When Leah saw that she had stopped having children, she took her servant Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife. Leah’s servant Zilpah bore Jacob a son. Then Leah said, “What good fortune!” So she named him Gad. Leah’s servant Zilpah bore Jacob a second son. Then Leah said, “How happy I am! The women will call me happy.” So she named him Asher.” (Genesis 30:9‭-‬13). Jacob looks like the victim here, he was manipulated by his own wives to take on more wives and have more children. 

The drama in the house of Jacob was now intense. Rachel’s camp had two children and Leah’s camp had six children. Jacob was the man in the middle of this “baby-making business”. How was he managing his work life, family life and emotional state? Family feud of any kind is not good and it ends up draining all parties, causing disunity and grudge. The whole drama began with deception and favouritism that escalated to something else. When the Bible warns us against lies and favouritism, it is for our own good. Besides the right relationship we have with God when we eschew evil, we also have peace and tranquility in our lives when we live right. Each person has a role in the home to ensure peace and development. Envy, favouritism, hatred and bitterness are a good recipe for a “troubled home”. Imagine the heat and the tension when each one is against the other and each one in a competition with another in the same family. The children of such discombobulated homes carry the same mindset of their parents. How can the peace of God reign in such an atmosphere? One husband, four women… Jacob must have been a very busy man.

Imperfect people need a perfect God as their Saviour and that is why we all need God because we are not perfect. I pray that any home going through difficult times encounters the presence of God. Remember, only God can satisfy our deepest longings and desires. No person can give us what will permanently make us satisfied. Instead of worrying and nagging people for what we don’t have, we should work with what we have, and ask God for His provision for what we need. May the peace of God be with us all. 

Rachel and Leah: Two sisters, one husband

Till date, memories of my wedding night remain intact. It was just a special moment with a special person and I believe most people have special memories of their wedding night. Imagine the months of preparation, the tiredness of the day and finally,  getting to relax together with your spouse. It is a serene experience. Even without electricity and light, the voice of your partner cannot be missed in the dark. However, someone got scammed on his wedding night and he received a different bride from what he worked for. Unfortunately, this man, obviously very drunk, didn’t even know that he had been deceived. His appetite to make love to his wife and the quest to enjoy his seven years of hard work, was so great that he failed to examine the package he received in the dark. The result was a very loud shout in the morning: “what are you doing here?” He might have shouted at his newly consummated bride. The very shy new wife, so shy to even raise her head, might have said in a low voice, “Please keep your voice down. We had a great night as a couple. If you have any issue, discuss it with my father. It was all his idea.”

But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and Jacob made love to her. When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?” (Genesis 29:23‭, ‬25)

This was the story of two sisters who became two wives in a week because of their father’s quest to deceive his own sister’s son. Jacob after seven years of working for Laban, requested to be given his bride. “So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and Jacob made love to her” (Genesis 29:22‭-‬23). Jacob was deceived and he didn’t know. “When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?” (Genesis 29:25). The very cunning Laban replied, “It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. Finish this daughter’s bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work.” (Genesis 29:26‭-‬27). Two wives in a week? These are two biological sisters who are different in their own ways. Jacob loved Rachel but Leah was not loved. What’s a family drama series? Was Jacob ready for the result of these inconvenient marriages? Anyway, let’s see what happens. So Jacob “finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. Jacob made love to Rachel also, and his love for Rachel was greater than his love for Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years.” (Genesis 29:28‭, ‬30).

The rivalry in Rachel and Leah’s home was caused by their own father in a bid to deceive Jacob. The two sisters had to contend for attention from the same man. Rachel was already the “Miss World” of Jacob. Her beauty fascinated Jacob and she was loved and adored. Leah on the other hand was the “wife who was not supposed to be” and she did not have a lovely figure to attract Jacob. In fact, Leah had “weak eyes” according to the Bible. In between this drama was Jacob, the man who deceived his brother and had been deceived by his uncle. Each of the daughters of Laban were given a female servant to serve. Therefore the camp of Rachel had Bilhah as the supporting staff and Leah had Zilpah. Indeed Laban’s plan worked very well but what he missed was that he set up his own children to hate one another.

Any home built on lies and deception is bound to go through a circle of issues. Marriage is work but being married to two sisters is extra hard work. The emotional and physical stress of each would have been poured on Jacob. As Jesus said in Luke 14:28, it is very important to count the cost before decisions are made. When we fail to count the cost  we are consumed by the demands of the project. If care is not taken, one part of the project receives more attention than the other. Jacob was in a dilemma. He thought he had seen it all, until children started coming into the marriage. Join me as we continue this tomorrow.