Husbands, love your wives

The biggest driving force behind many marital unions is love. Of course there are many others who marry for other reasons other than love. However, for most of the young couples living in the West, it begins with the acknowledgement of loving each other. In the marital union, couples need different expressions of love to survive. There are times when Eros (romantic love) will fail. That’s the reason the other expressions of love are necessary for couples. Many men and women ‘in love’ go to the extent of demonstrating their love in various ways. It could be through gifts and sacrifices, calling and checking up on one another among others.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. ‭‭(Ephesians 5:25)

In the institution of marriage, each of the couples play relevant roles to ensure the sustenance of the home. Marriage itself demands an amount of work on the part of the couple to grow bigger and better. In admonishing the Ephesian church in instructions for Christian households,  Paul made this important statement: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” ‭‭(Ephesians 5:25). Why would Paul admonish the husband’s to love their wives just as Christ loved the church? Obviously Paul doesn’t imply that the women shouldn’t love their husbands. From a woman’s perspective of love transfer in relationships, some women tend to commit more than some men. It is easy for a woman to love the unlovable man and overlook all his weaknesses. Men on the other hand are more tactical and less likely to demonstrate love towards a woman who is a constant pain. Paul’s advice was that men should love (Agape) their wives in the similitude of the love Christ demonstrated to the church. Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ demonstrated His love to the church by giving up Himself for the church. He didn’t die for a perfect church. He died for a broken and sinful church.

Imperfection and brokenness are states we daily deal with in our relationships. In our lowest points, we tend to even hurt those we love including our spouses. We use foul words, we snare at each other, and sometimes our actions make our spouses more uncomfortable. As women, our emotions can sometimes take the best part of us and the result is a recipe for disaster. Paul knew this, he might have dealt with marital issues in the church. In ‭‭Ephesians 5:25-31, he writes,
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.””

Thus, beside the emotional support of the husband, loving the wife also implies her spiritual development and growth. The husband should present the wife before the Lord without any blemishes. That is love! Paul continues to say that whoever loves his wife loves himself because of the principle of one flesh. Our Christian homes should reflect this profound love experience.

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A charge to wives: Women in the church in Ephesus

Paul established the church in Ephesus through the initial contact with twelve disciples (Acts 19). After baptizing these people into regeneration, and placing his hands on them to receive the Holy Spirit. The church in Ephesus was birthed. However, Paul faced a series of opposition in Ephesus caused by the silversmith Demetrius who made images of the goddess Artemis. Yet, the church stood strong. The letter to the church in Ephesus was Paul’s explanation to the believers’ new identity in Christ. Paul charged the believers on different facets of their new life in Christ. From Chapter 4:17 till the end of the letter, Paul touched on different issues regarding Christian living, marriage, children, homebuilding among others. This post will consider the charge to the wives in Ephesus as presented in Ephesians chapter 5. This charge is relevant even today.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)

In Ephesus 5:21, Paul states that “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This begins the charge to Christian households. Paul admonished that submission be made to one another in the home. Then, Paul addresses each player in the home. We will focus on the charge to the Christian wives:
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:22‭-‬24)
First, Paul already set the premise that in the home, submission should be made to one another. But to the wives, Paul specifically directed the Christian wives to submit to their own husbands as they submit to the Lord. Why the specific emphasis on the submission of wives? Naturally, many of us as women will not easily submit to our husbands just as we submit to the Lord. In fact, the idea of submitting itself is not pleasant to many wives and to the extent of submitting as the Lord is not quite an easy route. However, if we fail to submit to our own husbands, then we have no head at all as we saw in 1 Corinthians 11:3, “But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”

Paul further explained that “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:23-24). This supports the points raised in 1 Corinthians stated above. Until you see your husband as your spiritual head, submission to him just as to the Lord will mean nothing to you. Remember, Paul does not state that submission is one-way in marriage. He addresses the two-way dimension of submission but the Christian woman should consider submission to the husband as submission to the Lord. This is very critical and affects our relationship with the Lord.

In general women must learn to submit to their own husbands. Your credentials and qualifications do not void submission. Therefore, it is necessary to review our intentions behind every decision we make in relation to marriage. If a man is spiritual but lacks character, know that you will be living the rest of your life submitting to him. Before you agree to a holy wedlock, know that submission is a given in Christian marriages.