Foolish Choices and Their Consequences

Not everything we want is needed. If we don’t learn to control our craving, our desire for food, social satisfaction, emotional satisfaction and attention could become the stepping stones to one’s downfall. According to Proverbs‬ 25:28‬, a person without self-control is like a city whose walls are broken through. A city with broken walls is open to everything and everyone including the good, the bad and the ugly. In 2 Samuel 13, Amnon, the son of David, made a foolish decision and executed it because of lack of self-control. He deceitfully raped his own half-sister, Tamar. This foolish act was incubated by those who were hurt and escalated to a bloodshed that caused the house of David to shake.

And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar. (‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭13:22‬)

Tamar, the lady who was raped got home, “her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.‭‭” (2 Samuel‬ ‭13:20‬). On his part, Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar. (‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭13:22‬). In his silence, Absalom plotted and killed Amnon at the least expected time. The following are lessons can we learn from this story:

Control Your Cravings: Amnon’s story serves as a poignant reminder that not everything we desire is a legitimate need. The unbridled craving that fueled his actions led to the reprehensible act of deceiving and raping his half-sister, Tamar. Proverbs‬ 25:28’s imagery of a city with broken walls captures the vulnerability that accompanies uncontrolled desires. Learning to master our cravings is an essential step in safeguarding our well-being and the well-being of those around us.

Don’t Take Wrong Counsel: Amnon took wrong counsel from his adviser. ‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭13:3‭-‬5‬ ‭describes Amnon’s adviser named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. He asked Amnon, “Why do you, the king’s son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won’t you tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” Jonadab’s advice was this, “Go to bed and pretend to be ill.” “When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.’ ” This wicked counsel led to Amnon’s disgraceful act of raping his sister. Upon being violated, Tamar sought solace from her brother Absalom, who, instead of seeking justice from the king or comfort for his sister, advised her to remain silent. The wrong counsel from family and friends can perpetuate cycles of pain and injustice. Wise discernment in choosing our confidants is crucial to navigating the complexities of life, ensuring that our actions are guided by principles of justice and righteousness.

Take Action Quickly: In the aftermath of Amnon’s heinous act, the narrative in 2 Samuel 13 raises questions about David’s response. Did he take swift action to address the situation? Amnon’s unchecked actions threatened to destabilize the family, highlighting the urgency for intervention. Timely and decisive action can prevent the escalation of conflicts and mitigate the potential for irreversible consequences.

Make Peace Immediately: The repercussions of Amnon’s rape of Tamar had far-reaching effects, casting a shadow over the House of David. Making peace in the face of conflict becomes imperative to prevent the festering of wounds. Immediate intervention and reconciliation efforts can help mend the broken bonds within families and communities, averting further pain and discord.

Don’t Pay Evil with Evil: As the story unfolds, Absalom’s response to Amnon’s disgraceful act is a study in silence and simmering hatred. While Absalom refrained from repaying evil with evil immediately, his silent plotting would eventually lead to tragic consequences, the death of Amnon and the eventual fleeing of Absalom. The biblical principle of not paying evil with evil (Romans 12:17) underscores the importance of seeking justice through righteous means rather than succumbing to a cycle of revenge.

The consequences of Amnon’s rape of Tamar reverberated through the House of David. Tamar, desolate and broken, lived in the house of her brother Absalom. Absalom’s silent hatred for Amnon culminated in a vengeful act, as he plotted and eventually killed his brother. The House of David, once a symbol of strength and unity, now bore the scars of one man’s lack of self-control. The tragic story of Amnon’s foolish choices serves as a cautionary narrative about the destructive potential of unchecked desires and the far-reaching consequences of such actions. In navigating the complexities of human relationships, it is imperative to exercise self-control, seek wise counsel, take swift and just action, prioritize reconciliation, and adhere to the biblical principle of not repaying evil with evil. Amnon’s story reminds us of the profound impact one person’s lack of restraint can have on the lives of many, emphasizing the need for wisdom, discernment, and a commitment to justice and righteousness.

David’s concubines

Is there anything you could have avoided but allowed it to happen and later became a snare to you? How did you feel when the consequences of your actions led to further problems for you and the people around you? If you were given a second chance at life, what would you do differently to avert such an incident from happening? Most of us build our lives on try and error patterns. We make countless mistakes until we get it right. Some people are able to bounce back from where they fall. Unfortunately many are unable to get it right and remain at the rock bottom all their lives. One such person whose decisions led to a cycle of misfortunes was king David. His one night with Uriah’s wife and subsequent murder caused him a cycle of painful experiences. This was the verdict David received for sleeping with someone’s wife and then killing the husband:
“Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own. This is what the Lord says: ‘Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight. You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.’ ” (2 Samuel 12:10‭-‬12).

As a result of this verdict, David’s own son (Amnon) raped David’s own daughter (Tamar). David’s own son (Absalom, brother of Tamar) killed David’s firstborn (Amnon). When we thought there was calmness, another volcano was dropped: Absalom rebelled against his own father and David, his household, his army and his supporters and counselors fled from home (read 2 Samuel 15). The same Absalom who was forgiven for murder, conspired with some of David’s own people against his own father. David’s best counselor, Ahithophel was among the conspirators. David prayed, “Lord, turn Ahithophel’s counsel into foolishness.” (2 Samuel 15:31b). As a matter of urgency, David, the giant slayer, fled with his entire household following him; but he left ten concubines to take care of the palace (2 Samuel 15:16). These ten concubines were left behind when all those that matter to David were taken away. These concubines spent their lives meeting the sexual and emotional needs of David. However, when trouble came to the house of David, they were left behind to take care of a troubled palace. Their place was with the troublemaker Absalom. They might have been afraid for their lives. What would their fate be? 

So they pitched a tent for Absalom on the roof, and he slept with his father’s concubines in the sight of all Israel. (2 Samuel 16:22)

When Absalom asked Ahithophel what he should do, the very wise Ahithophel gave him wild advice. Ahithophel was no ordinary person. In those days the advice Ahithophel gave was like that of one who inquires of God. That was how both David and Absalom regarded all of Ahithophel’s advice (2 Samuel 16:23). No wonder David prayed that God would turn Ahithophel’s counsel into foolishness. This was the advice of Ahithophel: “Sleep with your father’s concubines whom he left to take care of the palace. Then all Israel will hear that you have made yourself obnoxious to your father, and the hands of everyone with you will be more resolute.” (2 Samuel 16:21). Reading this verse 1000s of years later, I still wonder why Absalom did not think this advice was foolish. But Ahithophel knew how to kill David’s authority in the eyes of the people. So they pitched a tent for Absalom on the roof, and he slept with his father’s concubines in the sight of all Israel (2 Samuel 16:22). Imagine! David even had the sanity to take Bethsheba to the room. Absalom slept with ten women on a rooftop in broad daylight. This is not a movie! It really happened. 

Did Absalom have any reverence for these women? Why did he chose to disregard the ten women’s lives but killed Amnon for raping his one sister? Imagine the shame and the stigma. The Law of Moses made it explicit that sons should not disrespect their father’s bed (Leviticus 18:8). Jacob’s son, Rueben committed a similar crime with his father’s concubine, Bilhah and Jacob cursed the entire generation of the Reubenites. When peace was restored and David finally returned to his palace Jerusalem, he took the ten concubines he had left to take care of the palace and put them in a house under guard. He provided for them but had no sexual relations with them. They were kept in confinement till the day of their death, living as widows (2 Samuel 20:3). Absalom made these ten concubines desolate for the rest of their lives just as Amnon made Tamar desolate. Absalom did not win the war against his father. He was killed and all who supported him perished with him. However, the ten concubines lived as mere shadows of themselves. They were put in a house under a guard. Their freedom was taken, their lives were halted and for the rest of their days, they lived as widows. All these pain inflicted by the men who were supposed to protect these vulnerable women.

No woman deserves to be treated as just a sex object. Men have the moral and God-given responsibility to provide a safe environment for the women in their lives. If you know a woman who is being abused sexually, contact the right authorities to help her. If we keep quiet, the abusers’ next target might be someone close to you. Women are created by God for exploits. Be intentional about helping your wife, sister, friend, neighbour etc. When women are highly equipped, the world becomes a better place.

The wise woman from Tekoa

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22). The events in the household of king David did not just bring a family feud but enmity and dryness. David’s own son had raped his daughter, the brother of the raped daughter, another son of David, killed the rapist and fled. The atmosphere in David’s palace was not the best at this moment. Sometimes when situations such as these happen, it can literally crush one’s spirit. David’s cycle of misfortunes could be directly connected to his own sins (adultery and murder). After Absalom avenged his brother, he knew that he was liable to death as well. Absalom action was intentional. It took him two years to plan how to execute the vengeance against Amnon. According to the law, “If anyone with malice aforethought shoves another or throws something at them intentionally so that they die or if out of enmity one person hits another with their fist so that the other dies, that person is to be put to death; that person is a murderer. The avenger of blood shall put the murderer to death when they meet” (Numbers 35:20‭-‬21).Thus, Absalom was liable to death. The only way for this to be averted is a decree from the king. The woman for this post is a wise woman who was commissioned for the task of restoring Absalom. 

So Joab sent someone to Tekoa and had a wise woman brought from there. He said to her, “Pretend you are in mourning. Dress in mourning clothes, and don’t use any cosmetic lotions. Act like a woman who has spent many days grieving for the dead. (2 Samuel 14:2)

For three years, Absalom lived in Gerur. He fled from his father. But, David was comforted and longed for his son. To have Absalom back to Jerusalem, a word from the king would spare Absalom from the avenger of blood. David’s army commander,  Joab, took this task upon himself. “Joab son of Zeruiah knew that the king’s heart longed for Absalom. So Joab sent someone to Tekoa and had a wise woman brought from there. He said to her, “Pretend you are in mourning. Dress in mourning clothes, and don’t use any cosmetic lotions. Act like a woman who has spent many days grieving for the dead. Then go to the king and speak these words to him.” And Joab put the words in her mouth.” (2 Samuel 14:1‭-‬3). Of all the women in Jerusalem, Joab knew that for this task, a special woman is needed. Not any ordinary woman but one with a proven record of wisdom. Someone who could boldly stand in front of the king of Israel and request him to send for his son who had fled for committing murder. Joab knew that the wise woman from Tekoa was right for the task. Joab told the woman what to say to the king. 

King David was merciful to the woman and her plea for mercy for her son was accepted (2 Samuel 14:5-7). After setting the background for mercy, the woman then brought up the story of David’s own son Absalom. She said, “Why then have you devised a thing like this against the people of God? When the king says this, does he not convict himself, for the king has not brought back his banished son? Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But that is not what God desires; rather, he devises ways so that a banished person does not remain banished from him.” (2 Samuel 14:13‭-‬14). David knew that this woman did not just walk to the palace with such a story. He knew someone would have tasked her to do what she did. The woman revealed that Joab tasked her to plead on behalf of Absalom. She told David, “Your servant Joab did this to change the present situation. My Lord has wisdom like that of an angel of God—he knows everything that happens in the land.” (2 Samuel 14:20).

The action of the woman did not just restore Absalom, it also healed David’s crushed spirit. 2 Samuel 13:39a indicates that David longed to go to Absalom. King David was consoled concerning the death of Amnon and yet, he allowed Absalom to live in exile until the woman from Tekoa came to him. The action of this woman restored the family of David. Absalom was forgiven and one more time peace was restored in David’s palace. Although the peace did not stay for long, momentary, David’s crushed spirit was revived and Absalom was given a second chance at life.

Not many people have a second chance at life. The wise woman’s plea gave Absalom another opportunity to make things right. 

Tamar: Revenge and family feud

Our study on Tamar, David’s daughter, is not over. Amnon’s amorous desire and subsequent rape of Tamar didn’t go down well with his father David and his brother Absalom. According to 2 Samuel 13: 21-22, “when King David heard all this, he was furious. And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.” Scripture does not mention the disciplinary measure David took to mitigate the harm done to Tamar. He was just furious but Amnon went free. On the other hand, Absalom, the brother of Tamar, didn’t even say a single word about the incident to Amnon. In his silence, Absalom nurtured hatred for his brother Amnon. Is there something David could have done to alleviate the hurt in this incident? Maybe, he could have had an open discussion with the affected parties to ensure that no one is bitter. Further, Amnon should have been disciplined for his uncouth behavior. David himself was recovering from his own amorous relationship and the consequences of his sins. He might have taken this incident lightly and his lack of proactive measures caused more harm than good. 

Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman. (2 Samuel 13:20)

Tamar was bruised emotionally and physically. She was dishonoured by someone she trusted. In her act of service to her own brother, her innocence was taken away. She was hurt, broken and driven away like an ordinary servant. Until you experience pain and rejection from the people you love, you might not fully understand the pain Tamar had to go through. Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.” (2 Samuel 13:20). Tamar was left broken and wounded, she became desolate in her own father’s house. Amnon’s wickedness didn’t go unnoticed. For two years, Absalom nursed a grudge with his brother and looked for the perfect opportunity to strike. Absalom had every right to be angry but to seek vengeance, was something he was not supposed to do no matter the pain. David might have left a loophole for further confrontation but Absalom should have sought a better redress other than a decision to kill. 

Amnon’s predicament came two years after he had raped his sister. I am sure Amnon would have thought that Absalom had forgotten about the incident. But, Absalom had an evil plan. He invited all his brothers to his sheep-shearing and he ordered his men, “Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon down,’ then kill him. Don’t be afraid. Haven’t I given you this order? Be strong and brave.” So Absalom’s men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the king’s sons got up, mounted their mules and fled.”(2 Samuel 13:28‭-‬29). Absalom killed Amnon for raping his sister Tamar. Absalom had a feud with Amnon because of what he did to Tamar and he sought revenge the wrong way. While David mourned the possibility of the death of his sons, Amnon’s advisor, Jonadab, the same person who proposed the best way to get Tamar came to speak with David. He said, “My Lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead. This has been Absalom’s express intention ever since the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar.” (2 Samuel 13:32). Jonadab knew all this while that Absalom had such intentions and waited for the harm to be done. Friends like Jonadab should be avoided. They will lead you to evil and leave you in it while they escape from the consequences of their evil plans. 

The feud in king David’s palace was made worse. First, David’s own adultery and murder of Uriah;them Amnon raped Tamar and Absalom killed Amnon. In the midst of all these brouhaha, were women who were hurt, wounded and treated as second class to the men. Absalom fled for his life leaving his desolate sister behind. Indeed Absalom really loved his sister Tamar and even named his own daughter Tamar “and she became a beautiful woman” (2 Samuel 14:27). The story is far from over. The fire in David’s palace is yet to be quenched. 

One big lesson from this story is from Deuteronomy 32:35: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.” Sometimes, seeking revenge escalates the situation out of proportion.

Tamar: Raped and Hated

Imagine if there was a television station in 1000 BCE about the time of the reign of king David. With all the hullabaloo of the royal house, one news that might potentially cause the first son of the king to lose all access to the throne would be this: “King David’s palace was alerted today of an incident in Amnon’s quarters. Amnon, the son of Ahinoam and the first son of the king cunningly raped Tamar the daughter of the king through his wife Maakah. Tamar is the beautiful sister of the handsome Absalom.” Although there were no televisions in 1000 BCE and maybe an unfortunate incident such as the rape of the king’s daughter might not be announced publicly, it would no doubt affect Amnon’s reputation and Tamar’s self esteem. Amnon’s obsession with his own sister was no good. Even the advisor of Amnon saw that Amnon was looking haggard. Amnon confessed to his shrewd advisor  known as Jonadab that he was in love with Tamar. 

Upon Jonadab’s counsel, Amnon lied to David and had Tamar go to his house and make some bread for him. Tamar did not refuse to help a sick brother. She went and baked the bread as was expected. Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat and rather said  “Send everyone out of here” and so everyone left him (2 Samuel 13:9). Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom (2 Samuel 13:10). Tamar had no slight idea that her brother was up to no good. She innocently followed the instructions of her elder brother without no malice intent. However, when she took the bread to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister” (2 Samuel 13:11). Tamar gave Amnon enough reasons to persuade Amnon from raping her. She said: “No, my brother! Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” (2 Samuel 13:12‭-‬13). 

But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her. (2 Samuel 13:14)

Amnon was bent on evil and without remorse, he went ahead with his evil plans. He refused to listen to the words of counsel from Tamar and since he was stronger than His sister, he raped her (2 Samuel 13:14). What was Tamar’s crime to deserve this shameful treatment? As if that was not enough, Amnon drove her out of his house. After raping her, the infatuation was over. Amnon’s obsession was never out of love. He was just looking for an opportunity to sleep with his sister. The aftermath of the rape was this: Amnon hated Tamar with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!” (2 Samuel 13:15). Which kind of wickedness is this? Even when Tamar begged him not to throw her out, Amnon refused to listen. Amnon called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her” (2 Samuel 13:17). Like how? None of this makes sense. Amnon was a wicked and heartless young man. Imagine him as a king of Israel. Far from it! His actions did not just rid him of his position as the first born, it also made him a “wicked fool” just as Tamar had cautioned. Tamar was disgraced, raped and hated by her own brother. As the cultural sign, “Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing” and “she put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went” (2 Samuel 13:19).

In case you cannot stand the wickedness of Amnon, know that there are hundreds, thousands and even ten thousands of Amnons in the 21st century. These are men who are bent on evil. Some of these Amnons have raped their own wives, raped their children, raped their sisters, raped their friends, raped strangers, raped students etc. Fortunately, some of these Amnons have been arrested and charged for their crimes and yet others are walking about causing more pain and havoc. Amnon’s advisor,  Jonadab is the kind of friend you might want to avoid. The counsel of Jonadab was evil and yet, only Amnon would suffer the consequences of listening to Jonadab. 

Dear sisters, if you have an Amnon in your life that makes life uncomfortable for you, reach out to the appropriate authorities for help. 
Dear brothers, be a keeper of the women around you. Don’t let their kindness become a stepping stone to your evil intent. God will surely punish every evil. 
Dear lawmaker, don’t ignore the pleas of Tamars and don’t free the Amnons. 

Tamar: The beautiful sister of Absalom son of David

The household of king David had different women and this resulted in the birth of different children. As the children of the king, they had preferential treatment and were more respected than their contemporaneous. They would have obviously enjoyed the glamor and the attention. However, the children of David were not without errors. Their stories among many “parenting gone wrong” stories in the Bible presents a caution to parents to be more effective and down to earth. David’s firstborn was Amnon whose mother was Ahinoam of Jezreel (2 Samuel 3:2b). David’s wife Maakah also gave birth to Absalom and his sister Tamar. Therefore, Amnon and Tamar are related. We could certainly say that they are siblings. Therefore no matter how attractive Tamar was, she remained Amnon’s sister.

In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David. (2 Samuel 13:1)

David’s household had recovered from the sin with Bethsheba that led to God’s vengeance on the baby born out of adultery. The family had moved on but the curse of David’s sin still loomed on his family: “Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own” (2 Samuel 12:10). 2 Samuel 13:1 states that “in the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David.” The first red flag mentioned in this verse was that Amnon, son of David, fell in love with Tamar, daughter of David. What exactly made Amnon, David’s firstborn to fall in love with his blood sister? If Amnon had taken his Torah lessons seriously, he should have known that it was highly impossible to be married to his sister. Leviticus 18:11 states that “Do not have sexual relations with the daughter of your father’s wife, born to your father; she is your sister.” The Law forbade such incestuous relationships and no matter how beautiful Tamar was, she would have been good enough for another man other than her brother. 

The desire of Amnon was definitely an obsession which had no good goal. Tamar was indeed beautiful, so was her brother Absalom. In fact 2 Samuel 14:25-26 describes Absalom this way: “In all Israel there was not a man so highly praised for his handsome appearance as Absalom. From the top of his head to the sole of his foot there was no blemish in him. Whenever he cut the hair of his head—he used to cut his hair once a year because it became too heavy for him—he would weigh it, and its weight was two hundred shekels by the royal standard.” If beauty and handsome were personified, definitely Maakah’s children born to king David would have been called Beauty and Handsome. But, no matter how stunning and attractive Tamar was, she was a no goal zone for her brother Amnon. Therefore any feeling of love or infatuation was unnecessary. Amnon could only express sisterly love (philio) towards Tamar and nothing else.

Amnon’s obsession with Tamar caused him to make himself ill (2 Samuel 13:2). Tamar was a virgin and there was nothing Amnon could do to have her. Tamar would have been living her life without the slightest idea that her own brother was getting himself sick with obsession for her. Amnon obsession was a reckless one and it was leading to no good. Tamar was no ordinary lady he could easily convince, she was the daughter of the king and his own sister. Amnon’s erotic desires towards Tamar kept dragging him towards evil. James 1:15 states that “after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” Amnon was threading on a path that was leading to no good. He was on a similar path as his father David when he saw Bethsheba taking her bath.

If we are not careful to control our desires, our own desires will conceive and give birth to sin. Then, the sin will continue the cycle until it is fully grown and gives birth to death. The wages of sin is death. Be on your guard. Not every beauty should be desired!